With the house starting to take shape and Hanukkah sneaking up on her this year, Maris sort of dove head first into the holidays, determined to make their first in the new place a good one, but she would have been lying if she didn't have a few more worries than usual this Christmas. Since she and Rory still hadn't found work yet, Maris was a little less generous than she normally would have been, prioritizing bills over presents because she knew it was important to keep them paid while she still could.
She was in the middle of making a lasagna for dinner when her phone rang from the other room. Maris was usually unsure of where her cell actually was, especially now that she really had nowhere to be. She liked being unreachable and always judged people who were permanently glued to their phone. Luckily she reached it before it stopped ringing, a little out of breath as she snatched it off the far end of the couch.
"Hi, can I speak to Maris?"
Maris blinked, confused by the unfamiliar voice. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, looking up just in time to see Rory walking into the room. "This is she."
"Hi, I'm Katie Jessup, you emailed me about a teaching position a few weeks back?"
Maris' stomach tightened. "Yes, yes I did."
"We're finally starting interviews next week so would you be able to come in on the 19th?"
Maris nearly let out a laugh of complete relief, but bit her lip harder and closed her eyes to center herself. "Yes, of course. What time?" She waited. "Two is fine. Yes, thanks, I know where it is. See you then!"
She ended the call with lightning speed, tossing her phone down on the sofa. "Guess who got an interview!?"
Even though she'd spent a lot of their time in London basking in being newlyweds and setting up their home exactly the way they wanted it, Rory was definitely a realist. She knew that they'd need to find work sooner rather than later, and her zoom-lectures across the pond really wasn't sustainable. But they had a lot to deal with, their honeymoon, their house, and then suddenly the holidays were upon them. Rory was happy, and happier it seemed by the day - but she knew they'd eventually need to find work, and really use that to solidify their life in London all the more.
Vaguely hearing a phone ringing as she finished folding a load of laundry, Rory checked her own phone and shrugged, before heading towards the living room. She locked eyes with Maris as she walked in, perching herself on the armrest of the green sofa.
Her brow furrowed curiously as she watched her wife, though a smile broke across her lips when Maris laughed. Completely in the dark, at least it was good news. News that began to take shape even before Maris hung up.
"Oh my god, baby!" She grinned, launching herself off the couch and circling her arms around her wife, lifting her up just a little off the ground in her excitement. "That's so exciting! The new school, yeah?" Rory had sent her own resume in once Maris had confirmed they were looking for an entire staff. While she was absolutely elated for her wife to get an interview, her stomach felt in knots all of a sudden that maybe she wouldn't get one. Well, one of them with a job would be a great relief. "When is it??"
Maris let out the giddy laugh she'd been holding in on the phone when Rory picked her up, nodding as she took her wife's face in both hands to give her a kiss. "Yeah, they said they're just starting interviews so... oh, and the 19th."
Maris was grateful for a little time to prepare, but it seemed just enough time for worry to start settling in when preparation was done. No matter how relieved she was to have another interview set up, she hadn't quite forgotten her string of failed ones lately. Part of her was determined not to get her hopes up, but she had to admit Kate seemed a little nicer than the people she'd dealt with lately.
But anyone could seem decent via phone and email.
Maris hadn't quite forgotten that she'd urged Rory to submit her resume, too, suddenly realizing how awkward it would be if her wife didn't get the same call back. If they didn't reach out to Rory, Maris would instantly know they were complete morons, but wasn't exactly in a place to be picky. As options dwindled, they had kind of both agreed to just get something and try to find jobs at the same school next year.
But then Rory's phone started going off and a small seed of hope was planted in Maris' chest. "Go, go get it," she hissed, playfully pushing her wife in the direction of the sound.
God, she loved it when her wife laughed like that. Totally unguarded and excited, it made Rory's heart want to burst in her chest. "Oh my god! That's so soon!" She laughed herself, beaming with pride and excitement of what was to come. It was just an interview now, but something in her gut made Rory feel really good about this.
Rory knew that Maris had been disappointed by the "nos" that had come from her interviews thus far, but Rory was good for a pep talk and high vibes going into things like that.
She'd had an advantage when she moved to Maine (even if it cost her their relationship for several years), in that she helped build that place from the ground up. It was special to her in a way, but it prepared her also to fight for the right kind of job, the right kind of school.
Her phone going off actually earned a jolt right to her heart. Her own eyes went wide as she looked up at Maris, not recognizing the number. "Fuck, okay." She whispered, raising the phone to her ear with a hello. "Yes, this is she." She reached out blindly for her wife's hand as she sort of focused on some far-off spot, listening to the woman who introduced herself as Katie. "We received your resume to join our English department, are you still looking for a position?" Rory tried to calm her voice as she felt this giddy excitement bubble up in her chest. "Yes, yes I am indeed." She actually was surprised how calm she sounded.
Her conversation was pretty quick, and Katie asked her to come in on the 21st. "I know it's close to the holiday, is that alright?" Rory nodded as though she could see it. "Yes of course. I'll be there. Looking forward to it!" She hung up after a couple more pleasantries, tossing her phone to the couch as she turned her grin to Maris. "Well. Katie sounds lovely."
Maris held tight to Rory's hand, seemingly glued to her spot beside her because moving an inch might have meant missing a word of the conversation she was totally listening in on. She had a feeling it was good news. Katie probably wouldn't have even bothered to call Rory back otherwise, but she wanted to be sure.
"She does seem nice," Maris agreed with a little nod, having dealt with more than her fair share of characters lately. She was slightly disappointed she and Rory didn't have appointments on the same day. It seemed easier to get such a stressful day over all at once so they'd both be able to breathe when it was over, but Kate did have an entire school to fill. She could only imagine how many interviews that entailed.
Maris was cautiously optimistic, her half assembled lasagna forgotten and okay to sit on the kitchen counter a while longer.
"It's all girls," she said, reaching for her laptop that was siding on an end table by the couch. She pulled up the school's website. There wasn't much to it yet, but there was a little bit of information to drum up interest from parents and prospective staff. "I sort of see an appeal in that."
And not just because she'd had a student named Trevor who was very fond of her during her first year of student teaching. He was sweet, relatively harmless really but so enthusiastic she wasn't quite sure how to handle it, especially with so little experience under her belt.
Maris knew better than anyone that a woman could fall for another woman, but it didn't seem as likely and it wasn't exactly something she'd had to deal with thus far. Raging hormones aside, she liked female energy and knew that even without studies to back the idea up (which there definitely were) girls thrived without boys taking up all the space and attention in a learning environment. Maris wanted to teach them to take up space when they were tossed out into the real world with them again.
She certainly did.
The potential, that's what got Rory's head beating hard in her chest. Try as she might to mitigate her own excitement but that was pretty hard to do with her brain. She thought ten steps ahead already, wondering about the campus and schedule, how the office were laid out. The idea alone that she and Maris might be teaching together again felt unreal - they just had to both get selected.
Rory probably should have asked if it were possible to do her interview on the same day as her wife, but she was so jumbled up with how the interview itself made her feel, that she hadn't thought of it until way later.
"I remember you saying that." Rory followed Maris to the couch, taking a seat and then standing back up two seconds later, the adrenaline racing through her made it hard to sit still. "Honestly it's even more of a dream than I dared think about." Rory had her favorite boy students over the years as well, but there was truly something special in teaching just girls.
In Rory's mind, girls had so much more potential to go in being very focused. Without boys pulling their focus (often the more rambunctious and young sorts), she thought that these young women could really thrive in an environment like that. And teaching there with her wife... well that would really be a dream.
"I almost don't want to say anything else about it. I don't want to jinx it." She laughed softly, sitting back down and leaning her cheek against Maris' shoulder as she peered at her wife's laptop. "But god damn it would be great."
"It would," Maris agreed softly, slightly relieved her wife seemed to be fighting the same inner struggle not to get her hopes up that she was.
"Maybe the fact that they need a whole staff pretty fast will work in our favor?" she offered.
Maris knew that any school would be lucky to have either of them, but she also knew that British schools seemed wary of hiring foreigners. At least in her area of expertise. She supposed it made sense. She probably did know more about American history than anyone else's but any good historian knew that you had to look at the bigger picture and that America and England's fates were usually intertwined.
Maris clicked around a bit, wanting to get a good look at the campus and find the address so she knew where to go when the time came, but when her email chimed, she opened her inbox.
It was a confirmation email confirming her first appointment with her new doctor. Maris hadn't met Dr. Shapiro (a jewish last name also seemed like a good sign) yet but her ratings and reviews online were pretty good and she took the fact that she had to book a few weeks in advance as a pretty good sign. Bad doctors usually weren't quite so busy. She fired off an email that yes, she would be coming right away, determined not to lose the spot she'd waited for, especially when she didn't have many of her usual pills left, then looked over at Rory.
"Since things are going well, maybe I should broach the whole... hey, am I barren thing during the first visit?"
Maris was trying to downplay things with her usual dry humor, but she was sort of nervous about getting looked at. It seemed nothing if not personal, something awkward to talk about especially since she'd never even had to think about it before. She and her last doctor barely ever talked about her sexual health. Once she realized Maris was strictly into women, all conversations about birth control and sexual health sort of ceased.
"Oh it has to. And honestly with our credentials... I've been saying this already, they'd be foolish to toss our applications in the bin." Rory pondered that for a moment -- it really would, right? They were highly educated women, highly skilled in their careers and had a lot of years under their belts. Rory loved what she did.
It had been a long time since Rory had interviewed though, and since she hadn't had to for her school in Maine, she was worried she'd be a little rusty.
Rory was looking at every picture of the campus - it looked beautiful. She thought that as nice as New England campuses were, there was something unbelievably special about how gorgeous this one was. It felt almost idyllic. But again... not to get too excited.
Raising a brow again at her wife, she nudged her arm with her own and shook her head. "Don't even say that!" She laughed, but she knew her wife's humor. And it really did feel like they were on the precipice of something big. Jobs, maybe. Growing their family, maybe. It was kind of unreal, scary a little, but overall so exciting. "But seriously, it wouldn't hurt to just ask about the next steps, yeah?"
"Right," Maris said, sounding a bit more confident than she felt. She wasn't even sure how to broach the topic. Hey, I'm a lesbian. How do I make a baby?
Okay, she knew how. She just didn't know how to ask some doctor she had no prior relationship with to check and make sure everything worked.
Maris gently closed her laptop and sat it down on the coffee table before scooting closer to her wife, leaning in to nuzzle her neck as she played with their hands. "Be better to figure it out now, rather than later." Her lips twitched. "Know how much you like a plan."
Maris had a few of her own, clearly having given motherhood much more thought than she'd let on. "I just figure if I go first, I could take time off like I did when I got to Maine. I could write through my pregnancy, after even." Working from home meant she could stay home with their child for as long as she needed to. Wanted to, really, depending on just how much she liked being with them 24/7. Maris wasn't quite sure how much she, a person who valued quiet and alone time would adjust to being responsible for a very loud, demanding tiny human, but she was willing to figure it out.
"And I kind of want to." Maris made a bit of a face, feeling almost embarrassed by her confession. "You know, go first.." The latter part of her confession was barely a whisper, but she'd been thinking about what it would like to be pregnant a lot recently. She was curious to know what it felt like. More than curious, really. She wanted, maybe even needed to know.
The steps they would need to take would be a whole process. It wasn't anything that Rory had ever thought about doing on her own, and certainly not with anyone else. With Maris, it felt right that they should be planning their future, and aligning the steps that would bring them a bigger family than just two.
Doctors first. Then probably other doctors to start the process of fertility and choosing a donor and ... yeah it was a lot. Best to focus on one step at a time. She sighed softly as Maris leaned into her, resting her cheek against hers. "You know me really well." She chuckled, feeling a little calmer once they laughed.
Hearing that Maris wanted to go first didn't exactly surprise her, but moreover just how much thought she'd put into the process made her heart sing a little. Working from home, taking time off. Write through my pregnancy. Those words made it feel real. It made her breath hitch in her chest. There was nobody else on the planet Rory would ever want to do this with. One thing she knew about their future children: They'd have a couple of sardonic mothers that gave them good sense of humors, but also mothers who loved them enough to want to give them the world.
"Do you?" She smiled softly, looking down at their hands as she brushed her thumb over the heel of her wife's hand, before her gaze returned to Maris' face. "I think that would be pretty lovely, baby." She leaned in and kissed her, knowing from the timbre of her voice that it was one of those confessions that didn't come easily. Rory honestly hadn't thought enough about going first or second. But this made sense. "You're gonna get so sick of me pampering you throughout the whole pregnancy you know."
"Oh, we'll see," Maris said smugly. She wasn't really the sort of person who liked to be fussed over. Even when she was sick, she waved off offers from friends (usually Eli) who wanted to bring her food or check in on her. She barely let Rory do things like fetch her water and medicine or take over most of the chores when she was feeling poorly, even now that they were living under the same roof.
She hated that feeling of helplessness, the idea of appearing weak and being pitied and figured pregnancy would be pretty much the same.
But she did feel closer to Rory since saying their wedding vows, softer in the sense that she was getting better at allowing herself to be. Just talking about having a baby, their baby, was making her feel closer and softer still. Maybe she would let Rory dote on her a little. She knew she'd do the same for her and the baby if the roles were reversed.
And hopefully one day they would be.
She kept idly playing with their fingers. "Course I do want to work for a while, build up our bank accounts again," she said after a beat even though that much was pretty obvious. She hardly would have bothered with the nightmare that had been job hunting otherwise. Getting pregnant wouldn't happen overnight. It couldn't, really. As far as she'd been told it was the sort of thing no one was really prepared for but she wanted to check off as many boxes as possible and employment was a pretty big one. Besides, she'd known plenty of teachers who worked right on through their pregnancies. If they timed it right, Maris could be off on summer holiday just as it was getting down to the wire.
As loath as she was to admit it, she had missed teaching and being alone and cooped up in the house all day trying to write her book had gotten sort of maddening fast. She wasn't exactly ready to go back to that just yet, but...it felt nice. To dream and talk about something she had sort of been keeping to herself for a while.
Now that they had entered the snowy portion of winter, Maris & Rory kept the fireplace going pretty much all the time. It popped and crackled for a moment before Maris looked over at her wife again.
"You don't think I'm getting too far ahead of myself?" she asked, teeth sinking into her lower lip in a rare moment of self doubt.
"Uh huh we will." Rory shot back with a playful narrowing of her eyes. She knew that Maris didn't like to be fussed over, but she really did thrive in several of those love languages. So even if that looked like running out to the store at 2am to get her favorite ice cream or rubbing her back to get rid of muscle aches -- whatever it was, Rory would do it.
Rory didn't want to get so ahead of herself, but she had these flashes of images - like how it would be to sit in this very spot and have her hand on Maris' bigger belly. She'd insist on reading out loud Keats and Austen - for both of them of course. Their children would be well rounded in all of their favorites, not just their namesakes individually.
"After all of our exorbitant expenses like a wedding and a house." She chuckled, squeezing her hand gently. But it was a smart plan, to get them both working again, build up a little nest egg that her residual money coming in from Maine wouldn't really be able to sustain. They were going to be smart about this, because they had to be. This was their family they were growing.
Rory had fallen in love with Maris with teaching as their backdrop. They reminisced and joked about the moments way back when that seemed formative to their lives together now. Catching peeks of Maris at her board mid-lecture. The way they'd smile at each other across the hall, the moments they'd steal in each others' offices. It felt right to come back to that, a full circle kind of moment to launch the next part of their lives together.
"No, baby. I really don't think so." She said, leaning forward and kissing her wife's cheek. "It's smart that we at least think about these things, you know? Wrap our heads around everything a little bit at a time." She played with their fingers this time, reaching over with her other hand so Maris' hand was stuck between hers. "It might be silly to bring it up, but I feel like we should use the same donor for both, do you think? I mean it'll be a process to find anyone who measures up to our standards anyway."
"Definitely," she said, having assumed they'd stick with the same donor all along. Genetics really didn't matter when it came to family, but making sure their children had the same dad if at all possible just made a certain sort of sense. Although Maris knew Rory was right and they'd probably have a hell of a time choosing. She would have been the first to admit she was a bit of a misandrist and had some pretty high standards in general. High standards for people who weren't helping her bring a child into the world.
"I almost wish we could interview them or something. Just so we know what we're getting into."
That wasn't the way it worked and who could tell anything about a person, the deep, important, non surface things Maris wanted to know about the father of her children in one meeting? People weren't always who they portrayed themselves to be. Some women found that out after the fathers of their babies up and left. In their case, he would always be out of the equation, but at least straight women had some idea what they were like before they were blindsided.
Not that Rory thought that Maris would fight her on it, but she still felt a little wave of relief that Maris responded so definitively to the question. It made sense. Their children would be theirs, and the bloodlines that made them family would only prove to be part of the story.
"I know..." She pondered a moment, her lips twisting together as she pondered. But a moment later, they curved into a conspiratorial smirk. "I bet you we could be like spies. Find out info on our top choices, go stalk them in the bushes a bit." She chuckled, leaning over so her chin rested against Maris' shoulder.
That whole process was a huge question mark to Rory. How they chose, how much or how little they would know - if all the information was verified. She could worry herself into a bit of a state if she allowed herself to, but she didn't, not today. Instead she just sat a little closer to her wife, a smile on her lips as she imagined all the good bits. "I really can't wait to meet them, though. Our kids."
Maris had joked about doing the same in their previous talks. She didn't understand how you could just... order half the genetic make up of your child the same way you choose paint colors for the kitchen or a new pair of pants. There was nothing she wanted to leave less to chance, but if she was beginning to understand anything about this whole process, it was that so much of it was going to be up to chance.
And she was nothing if not pragmatic. She sighed, raking a hand through her hair as she reminded herself that they'd barely gotten started. That they had time to sort it all out and there was no need to worry over what ifs and maybes just yet.
But then Rory went and said something that encouraged the pesky, nagging voice in the back of her mind that wanted to have a baby as soon as humanly possible.
"Well, we know they'll be nerds," Maris teased. "God, heaven help us and them if we end up with some sort of jock."
She knew from her research that a lot of agencies only allowed you to see photos of donors from when they were children themselves. She supposed it made sense, so as not to randomly see your child's donor walking down the street. But Rory needed assurances, and needed to know that the person who would ultimately help them have a child would be someone that met their high standards. They also had to be okay with the fact that eventually their children might have questions, and they'd have to answer them. It didn't scare Rory to have that added step to their family, but she wanted to make sure they could be proud about the person they selected.
It would be a bridge to cross when they arrived at it, and nothing to panic about just yet. Rory squeezed Maris' thigh when she sighed, a little "me too" response of her own.
Rory grinned, shaking her head a little at the thought. "If we have some sort of jock, you can blame me and my latent athleticism. But we know they'll be well read, and love their history." She punctuated her comment with pressing a kiss to the side of her wife's neck. "They'll also be little fashionistas."
While she knew and hoped their child would have their own personality, Maris longed for a mini Rory more than she ever did a carbon copy of herself.
Which meant she'd love them even if they did come out loving volleyball or making lists of their favorite toys.
"Oh, no ragamuffins on my watch," Maris joked, automatically tilting her head a little so Rory could get better access to her neck. Just as she was about to fully give in to how good it felt, she remembered something, sitting up with a start.
"Wait, when was your interview?"
Maris was leaving for New York on the 21st. It was only an overnight trip to tie up some lose ends with her grandfather's house. The paperwork apparently needed to be signed in person and since it had technically been left to Maris and her father, John needed to sign a few things too. She'd been kind of excited about the idea of going back home already. She wasn't exactly homesick, but the holidays did have a way of making you think about your nearest and dearest. She was eager to see her dad again, but now that apparently meant missing out on time with Rory.
"Fuck, it's literally the day I leave, Ror."
On the other side of that same coin, Rory was kind of selfishly excited that Maris wanted to go first. She wanted their little Keats or Jane to emulate Maris, to have her big brown eyes and wry smile. She could practically already see a little toddler with that same Maris head-tilt while deep in thought. She knew that she was going to love her children equally, that it was something parents could just do, but she also knew that there would be something incredibly special about the child that came from the woman she loved with her whole heart.
"Stain on their overalls? Throw them OUT. The overalls, not the kid." She clarified, a small smirk on her face as she said it.
Rory sat up a little straighter when Maris shot up. "Um the 21st." She tugged her fingers through her hair, her brows knit together as the excitement of her interview began to wane into reality and that date felt familiar, important... Shit.
"Fuck." She echoed, shaking her head a little. "I guess... No, I can't really call to reschedule, can I?" If she did that and didn't get the job, Rory would spiral and always wonder if that sealed her fate. But she didn't love the idea of missing out on time in New York with Maris again, even a brief trip. And she certainly didn't like the idea that this would be the first time since their wedding that she'd be without her wife for a night. "Well that takes a bit of wind out of our sails, huh?"
"We have to do it," Maris said, knowing there really was no other option. They needed jobs. She knew she'd feel better once she was sure they had at least one income coming in and that she'd sort of beat herself up if they missed the one chance they had to work at the same school so far.
Who knew when or even if it would ever come around again?
Maris had been annoyed when her father told her she needed to fly in to get everything sorted with the house, not quite understanding why it was necessary. But she'd gradually come around and even started to look forward to her trip. She made plans to swap presents with Eli & Jenna in person. They were surprisingly all too eager to meet her in the same place for some joint holiday time. Her best friends seemed to have finally learned to share her.
She was looking forward to fried chicken and mac and cheese at her favorite soul food restaurant in Harlem and an everything bagel from the shop a few blocks away from her first apartment. Maris' time in New York may have been limited, but she had plans. Plans that had naturally included Rory.
The prospect of spending a night without her, especially after they'd found each other again was never a fun one. They'd rarely spent a night apart since officially getting back together. She had a feeling it would be even worse now that they were married. Their bond and that unspoken need to be close seemed stronger than ever.
"It's only one night," Maris reminded her, trying to make them both feel better. "And I promise I'll use my time wisely to come back with all sorts of New York goodies."
"We do." Rory agreed definitively. They were handed a gift of two interviews at the same school. It could be the exact thing they had been waiting for, biding their time and waiting for the exact right spot to come around.
There was no denying that this spot had the potential to be exactly what they were looking for. Maris was right, they had to do it.
Rory had been excited for a quick trip back to the states, even if they really weren't going to have much time to do anything or, her favorite thing, take in a show. Now they had the West End anyway, but still. It disappointed her not to go back, and very much so to spend time away from her wife at all. But it was too important to stay and do this interview. Selfishly, she was sad that her wife wouldn't be there to jump into her arms after the interview, no matter how it went.
"One night. You're gonna be tired, babe." She pouted a little, brushing her fingers through Maris' hair, letting her knuckles drag against her head. "But I will take the goodies, you know I will." She smiled, scooting in even closer if that was even possible. Rory would cop to being even a little clingy at the thought of being without her wife for even a night. "Do you think we'll find out after you're back?" For all they knew, Maris would find out right away, even before she left. "I kind of don't want to know either way without you here." She chuckled a little, rolling her eyes at herself.
It probably would be better if they told them if they landed the job right away. Maris wasn't always the most patient person and though she'd hidden it pretty well, she'd had a near constant ache of worry since they'd bought the house and settled into England without work lined up.
She knew it'd get even worse if she had to wait days for an answer and since Rory would be waiting on one too, this particular interview was shaping up to be the most stressful one yet. But it would be nice to get good news together (assuming they both landed their prospective jobs, the idea of being separated something she didn't want to add on to her current worries).
"I just hope they tell us before Christmas," she admitted out loud. Good news would be the perfect present after a year filled with ups and downs. Getting married and settling into their new house had been definite high points but there was sort of a general consensus with everyone that the holidays felt a bit off this year and it was definitely one that Maris agreed with.
Being away from her wife so close to Christmas would only make this one seem worse, but a win in the form of finally having some of her money worries eased would definitely soften the blow.
She pressed a kiss to Rory's temple, murmuring against her skin, "They'd be stupid not to hire you, you know..."
"Oh god yeah, they had better. I don't want to spend our Christmas worrying over this." Rory's brow furrowed a little at the thought of it. This felt like the one, as much as a job interview could feel like it. She wasn't sure how else to describe it.
For as practical as Rory was, she hadn't allowed herself to worry too much about their finances. To begin with, she was shit at math, and then there was that she didn't go crazy spending money on frivolous things.
It just felt like this had to be it. There was no reason not to hire Maris and Rory, right? They were well qualified, incredibly well educated, good at their jobs. Maybe they should start telling people they were Canadian.
Rory smiled softly, leaning a little closer and nuzzling her nose into Maris' neck. "I was just thinking the same thing about you." She leaned back enough to look her wife in the eye. "We're gonna be okay either way, babe." She suddenly felt the urge to reassure her wife, sliding her arms around her a little tighter. "But I really have such a good feeling about this."