Spending time with Paul always put Rory in the best mood, even if today was bittersweet as they didn’t know how many lunches they’d have left to gossip and enjoy each other. “Who am I going to throw shade with over coffee in the teacher’s lounge?” Paul lamented with a whine and an utterly pathetic look. “Well, there’s always Cheryl.” Rory deadpanned, which earned the most earnest look of horror from her favorite co-worker. Rory was in a fit of giggles as they paid and headed out of their favorite lunch spot, but she promised him that they’d still make time to call. Besides, she expected him to give a full report on all the goings-on at the school once she was gone.
Seizing the opportunity of a couple hours without Maris (which, normally would be an utter hardship), she decided on stopping in on their favorite little bakery to get some desserts for later. Leaving the shop solo, she was mid-sending Maris a text with a photo of the bag when she stopped cold.
“Hey.”
One syllable could be so fucking loaded, couldn’t it? Rory’s life had been complete rising joy over the past months felt as though everything else she’d been through just evaporated into thin air. She wasn’t bogged down by guilt, she wasn’t allowing the mistakes she’d made or the pain she’d caused to creep in because there simply wasn’t any room for it. They’d said their piece, and they’d found an end.
“Jess, hey.”
Her voice sounded kind of hollow, like it wasn’t even her own. Rory knew that if she had stayed with Jess, the both of them would have been miserable. And that was a realization that came after Maris returned to her life, but she couldn’t say it was because of Maris that she’d be miserable and a terrible partner to Jess. Everything she had with Jess had been comfortable, easy in a way that didn’t allow her to be her whole self. She only realized that when she could breathe again in having Maris back in her life. There was no lowering herself or her energy or her soul just to make someone else feel comfortable. She felt in the end that both she and Jess had done that - dimmed their own light to be comfortable with each other.
They both stumbled over saying “how are you?” At the same time, and Rory let out a little nervous laugh.
“Sorry. I’m good. Glad to be back out in the world, y’know.” Rory said, and Jess nodded.
There was a thickness in the air between them that made Rory’s instinct balk to fill it. Sort of that jump to apologize, jump to make things better. But Rory was out of those things, and while maybe she could have handled her side of things better, or gentler, she wouldn’t change anything. She couldn’t, because it got her to where she was now. Rory simply hated hurting people, especially someone that she had loved.
Even that felt so far away and foreign now. Rory was an entirely different person now than she was during the entirety of her relationship with Jess. That’s probably what happened when you were simply living a piece of your true self.
“I heard you’re getting married.”
Well, that felt new. Jess didn’t like to confront things head on. It was part of the problem when they were together, where their arguments would fester until they blew up into something so much bigger than they needed to be.
It had been a year. Somehow an actual year had passed. They hadn’t talked, they hadn’t seen each other. Their social circles ended up being so easy to snap in a clean break. The few friends that they had overlapped picked sides and the ones she’d lost in that weren’t really ones she felt she needed to begin with. The town wasn’t that big, but quarantine helped, the fact that they were so very different helped.
“I’m … yes. I am.” She said firmly, her chin raised a little. Rory wouldn’t be made to feel bad, or ashamed by it.
“Is it the woman I met? I forget her name.” Jess was so hard to read, but Rory felt immediately protective. “Maris, yes.” Jess had eventually been told that Maris was her ex, before Jess likely even felt the need to worry about her. But Rory knew, she probably should have worried even before Maris actually showed up in Maine. Somewhere, her heart was so deeply rooted in her love for Maris, that anyone else would only pale in comparison. Its wasn’t fair to Jess, it wasn’t anyone’s fault, it was just a fact.
“Good. I mean. I’m glad that you’ve found what you’re looking for.” Jess spoke gently, as though trying not to step on a land mine. Rory tried not to narrow her eyes, but she felt herself scrutinize Jess a little for a look, or a tone. Jess really had always been a nice woman, even if she could be that sugar-sweet and a viper underneath it if she felt the need to be.
“That’s kind of you, thank you.” Rory said, shifting a little bit. “And you’re alright?”
Jess nodded. She launched into a fairly superficial conversation over her store, and how things were going. Rory got the distinct feeling that Jess was waiting for her to ask if she was seeing anyone, but Rory wasn’t going to. She didn’t actually care to talk about either of their relationship status. The ring on her finger, while not her actual engagement ring, said enough.
“We’re moving actually.” Rory offered, hoping that in some way, it would break away more of the tension. Jess was a hometown girl. This was technically her turf. Jess seemed surprised by that.
“Really? I saw the house was on the marked a couple weeks ago, actually. I just figured you were moving in…” Rory didn’t think before she waved her hand and said “Oh no I already did.” She was relieved that Jess didn’t seem to flinch at that. Rory had never really entertained the idea of moving in with Jess, even when they were engaged.
“No, yeah. We’ve bought a house in England, actually. We’ll be moving there after the wedding.” That was an even bigger surprise to Jess, who actually let out a laugh when she heard it. “Wow,” She said. “That’s big.”
Rory agreed, nodding with a little smile of her own. “Yeah, I’m excited about it.”
“You look it.” Jess said, a kind of fondness in her voice that made Rory feel a little uncomfortable, a worry in her brow. Jess waved her hand in between them as though to clear the air. “No really. You look … alright it’s not easy for me to say it, but you look really happy, Ror. Kind of … I dunno, lighter, than when I knew you.”
Rory looked at Jess, giving a slight nod. She was quiet for a moment before she felt like, this was probably the last time she’d see this woman. This was likely the last time they’d even talk. “Jess, I hope you know how sorry I am for how things went down with us. I didn’t mean to give you any less than what you deserve.” Jess seemed a little caught off guard by what Rory said, but Rory pressed on. “I wasn’t fair to you, and I wasn’t fair to you long before the end. I apologize for that, I do.”
Jess nodded, and cleared her throat in that way Rory knew she did when she tried to hide emotion. “I appreciate you saying that.” She said, looking everywhere but at Rory before finally meeting her gaze. “I spent a little too long being angry at you. But with perspective after a few months … I get it. We weren’t right for each other.”
Rory nodded, glad at least, they’d both come to that realization.
“If I’m honest with myself, even proposing to you was an attempt to keep you. I shouldn’t have clung so hard.”
Jesus, that was heavy. Rory exhaled slowly, feeling her cheeks burn with the weight of that.
“It wasn’t your fault. I think we just weren’t it, you know?”
Jess nodded, and while she seemed to struggle a little, she smiled. “It’s a relief, to get all of this out.” Rory nodded in agreement. “It is, yeah.”
The merciful chime of a text came from Rory’s pocket, and she didn’t even have to check it to know it was her fiancee. “I should um…” She gestured with her hand, and Jess was already nodding, waving her hands again, dismissive. “Of course, yes yes. I just didn’t want to not say something to you, y’know… It was good to see you, Rory.”
Rory nodded, “Yeah, it was good to see you too.” And it actually surprised her how much she meant it. Maris had been right to stop her from storming across town and blasting Jess for what she’d said to Maris after everything happened. She was right that Rory should just let it go. She was able to become herself again, to let go so much easier, so much cleaner. She wasn’t getting dragged down in the undertow of anger and hurt, lashing out. In the end, it had been better for everyone.
God, she loved that brilliant woman.
One last surprise, Jess reached out and hugged her. Rory wasn’t expecting it, and sort of awkwardly half-hugged her back. “Be well, Rory. And I mean it.”
Rory nodded, offering her a smile in return. “You too, Jess.”
The conversation hadn’t been terrible, but hadn’t exactly been easy, either. She didn’t feel let off the hook (obviously) as much as she felt like things were just a bit cleaned up, not left festering anywhere. Rory just felt lighter as they both walked away, separate directions, neither one of them turning back.
Seizing the opportunity of a couple hours without Maris (which, normally would be an utter hardship), she decided on stopping in on their favorite little bakery to get some desserts for later. Leaving the shop solo, she was mid-sending Maris a text with a photo of the bag when she stopped cold.
“Hey.”
One syllable could be so fucking loaded, couldn’t it? Rory’s life had been complete rising joy over the past months felt as though everything else she’d been through just evaporated into thin air. She wasn’t bogged down by guilt, she wasn’t allowing the mistakes she’d made or the pain she’d caused to creep in because there simply wasn’t any room for it. They’d said their piece, and they’d found an end.
“Jess, hey.”
Her voice sounded kind of hollow, like it wasn’t even her own. Rory knew that if she had stayed with Jess, the both of them would have been miserable. And that was a realization that came after Maris returned to her life, but she couldn’t say it was because of Maris that she’d be miserable and a terrible partner to Jess. Everything she had with Jess had been comfortable, easy in a way that didn’t allow her to be her whole self. She only realized that when she could breathe again in having Maris back in her life. There was no lowering herself or her energy or her soul just to make someone else feel comfortable. She felt in the end that both she and Jess had done that - dimmed their own light to be comfortable with each other.
They both stumbled over saying “how are you?” At the same time, and Rory let out a little nervous laugh.
“Sorry. I’m good. Glad to be back out in the world, y’know.” Rory said, and Jess nodded.
There was a thickness in the air between them that made Rory’s instinct balk to fill it. Sort of that jump to apologize, jump to make things better. But Rory was out of those things, and while maybe she could have handled her side of things better, or gentler, she wouldn’t change anything. She couldn’t, because it got her to where she was now. Rory simply hated hurting people, especially someone that she had loved.
Even that felt so far away and foreign now. Rory was an entirely different person now than she was during the entirety of her relationship with Jess. That’s probably what happened when you were simply living a piece of your true self.
“I heard you’re getting married.”
Well, that felt new. Jess didn’t like to confront things head on. It was part of the problem when they were together, where their arguments would fester until they blew up into something so much bigger than they needed to be.
It had been a year. Somehow an actual year had passed. They hadn’t talked, they hadn’t seen each other. Their social circles ended up being so easy to snap in a clean break. The few friends that they had overlapped picked sides and the ones she’d lost in that weren’t really ones she felt she needed to begin with. The town wasn’t that big, but quarantine helped, the fact that they were so very different helped.
“I’m … yes. I am.” She said firmly, her chin raised a little. Rory wouldn’t be made to feel bad, or ashamed by it.
“Is it the woman I met? I forget her name.” Jess was so hard to read, but Rory felt immediately protective. “Maris, yes.” Jess had eventually been told that Maris was her ex, before Jess likely even felt the need to worry about her. But Rory knew, she probably should have worried even before Maris actually showed up in Maine. Somewhere, her heart was so deeply rooted in her love for Maris, that anyone else would only pale in comparison. Its wasn’t fair to Jess, it wasn’t anyone’s fault, it was just a fact.
“Good. I mean. I’m glad that you’ve found what you’re looking for.” Jess spoke gently, as though trying not to step on a land mine. Rory tried not to narrow her eyes, but she felt herself scrutinize Jess a little for a look, or a tone. Jess really had always been a nice woman, even if she could be that sugar-sweet and a viper underneath it if she felt the need to be.
“That’s kind of you, thank you.” Rory said, shifting a little bit. “And you’re alright?”
Jess nodded. She launched into a fairly superficial conversation over her store, and how things were going. Rory got the distinct feeling that Jess was waiting for her to ask if she was seeing anyone, but Rory wasn’t going to. She didn’t actually care to talk about either of their relationship status. The ring on her finger, while not her actual engagement ring, said enough.
“We’re moving actually.” Rory offered, hoping that in some way, it would break away more of the tension. Jess was a hometown girl. This was technically her turf. Jess seemed surprised by that.
“Really? I saw the house was on the marked a couple weeks ago, actually. I just figured you were moving in…” Rory didn’t think before she waved her hand and said “Oh no I already did.” She was relieved that Jess didn’t seem to flinch at that. Rory had never really entertained the idea of moving in with Jess, even when they were engaged.
“No, yeah. We’ve bought a house in England, actually. We’ll be moving there after the wedding.” That was an even bigger surprise to Jess, who actually let out a laugh when she heard it. “Wow,” She said. “That’s big.”
Rory agreed, nodding with a little smile of her own. “Yeah, I’m excited about it.”
“You look it.” Jess said, a kind of fondness in her voice that made Rory feel a little uncomfortable, a worry in her brow. Jess waved her hand in between them as though to clear the air. “No really. You look … alright it’s not easy for me to say it, but you look really happy, Ror. Kind of … I dunno, lighter, than when I knew you.”
Rory looked at Jess, giving a slight nod. She was quiet for a moment before she felt like, this was probably the last time she’d see this woman. This was likely the last time they’d even talk. “Jess, I hope you know how sorry I am for how things went down with us. I didn’t mean to give you any less than what you deserve.” Jess seemed a little caught off guard by what Rory said, but Rory pressed on. “I wasn’t fair to you, and I wasn’t fair to you long before the end. I apologize for that, I do.”
Jess nodded, and cleared her throat in that way Rory knew she did when she tried to hide emotion. “I appreciate you saying that.” She said, looking everywhere but at Rory before finally meeting her gaze. “I spent a little too long being angry at you. But with perspective after a few months … I get it. We weren’t right for each other.”
Rory nodded, glad at least, they’d both come to that realization.
“If I’m honest with myself, even proposing to you was an attempt to keep you. I shouldn’t have clung so hard.”
Jesus, that was heavy. Rory exhaled slowly, feeling her cheeks burn with the weight of that.
“It wasn’t your fault. I think we just weren’t it, you know?”
Jess nodded, and while she seemed to struggle a little, she smiled. “It’s a relief, to get all of this out.” Rory nodded in agreement. “It is, yeah.”
The merciful chime of a text came from Rory’s pocket, and she didn’t even have to check it to know it was her fiancee. “I should um…” She gestured with her hand, and Jess was already nodding, waving her hands again, dismissive. “Of course, yes yes. I just didn’t want to not say something to you, y’know… It was good to see you, Rory.”
Rory nodded, “Yeah, it was good to see you too.” And it actually surprised her how much she meant it. Maris had been right to stop her from storming across town and blasting Jess for what she’d said to Maris after everything happened. She was right that Rory should just let it go. She was able to become herself again, to let go so much easier, so much cleaner. She wasn’t getting dragged down in the undertow of anger and hurt, lashing out. In the end, it had been better for everyone.
God, she loved that brilliant woman.
One last surprise, Jess reached out and hugged her. Rory wasn’t expecting it, and sort of awkwardly half-hugged her back. “Be well, Rory. And I mean it.”
Rory nodded, offering her a smile in return. “You too, Jess.”
The conversation hadn’t been terrible, but hadn’t exactly been easy, either. She didn’t feel let off the hook (obviously) as much as she felt like things were just a bit cleaned up, not left festering anywhere. Rory just felt lighter as they both walked away, separate directions, neither one of them turning back.