Part of the problem, if one was to really pinpoint such a thing, of having one parent was that there was an added pressure when it came to disappointing said parent. There was no great "play one against the other" tactic, or if one parent said no, maybe the other might say yes. Rory had grown up with an incredible mother who she loved a lot, but she was always pretty afraid of letting her down.
When Rory came out to Evelyn Berlanti, she had been in such a mess of hysterical tears that she could barely get her words out. Evelyn had just brushed off her tears and said some version of "oh sweetheart, I've known for a while." Rory was grateful she didn't have a bible-thumping type of parent who might have immediately sent her to straight camps or whatever. Her mom had even said it was a bit of a relief, and considering the utter disappointment that was Rory's father, she understood it. Though her love life was not without drama... clearly.
Evelyn had seen her through a lot of troubling times. She had held her through her first real heartbreak, and then a second. She'd fought with her so much they both went hoarse -- though what those fights were even about, Rory couldn't remember. Funny when you got older, you could see your parents in a very different light.
Rory had been really nervous about telling her mom that the wedding, and her relationship with Jess was over, just a couple weeks before. When Evelyn tried to ask more questions, Rory danced around the obvious. She didn't want everything to pile one on top of the other. She didn't want an ounce of accusatory feelings to be sent towards Maris. She wanted to make sure that everything their future held would be supported by the other people she loved most. So she'd given it some time ... no matter how hard it was not to be yelling to everyone who passed her by how happy she was.
It was a rare afternoon by herself, so she sat on her bed cross-legged and closed her eyes as she focused on a couple deep breaths. She knew what she wanted to say for the most part, but she was nervous. Less for herself, but more for what it would mean for the relationship Evelyn would have with Maris. Sticking her earbuds in, she finally pressed her mother's name on her phone, wincing a little as nerves roiled inside of her.
Hi sweetheart, what do I owe this call?
"Hey mom, oh just having an afternoon to myself." She paused, listening through a story her mom launched right into about Valerie, the neighbor she always seemed to have a like/not-so-like thing with. Rory chuckled, a little relieved to fall into a story about trimmed hedges and stolen lemons.
You sound tired, are you alright? How are you, really?
Rory chewed on her lip for a moment before nodding, like her mother could see her. She was alright, more than, and conveying that and everything else felt like it might be tricky. But she needed to know, because she was about to burst with it.
"Actually, I'm really good. I need to tell you some things, and I just ... I need you not to say anything until I'm done. Okay?"
A moment of silence before her mother tentatively agreed. The floor was, figuratively hers.
"I've been going through a lot of big changes over the past few weeks. I know you weren't really expecting the wedding to be cancelled, and all of that. It's been an adjustment for you, I know. But it's something that was coming for a long time, I think. Longer than I was really willing to admit. I'm um..." God, Rory hated when she rambled on. Her mother knew this, and gently encouraged her to just say what she needed to.
"I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life. And that's not just the freedom from leaving my relationship that wasn't the right fit." She hadn't said that out loud so much until now. It felt like the right way to say it, and true.
"Maris moved to Maine."
She exhaled finally, feeling like tension had fallen from her shoulders just saying it. Even if it was quiet for a moment on the other end of the line, it was there, the beginning of her everything.
Did she? And how's that been?
There was nothing accusatory in her mother's tone, but Rory knew that Evelyn had been witness to how utterly shattered she'd been in the wake of her breakup with Maris.
"Not well, at first. But ..." She smiled to herself, as her fingers worried at the hem of her sweater. "Mom, none of it went away. She's my person and I think I was kind of an idiot to think otherwise. We've started seeing each other again." She conveniently left out the when of how they'd started. Some things didn't need to be shared.
I won't lie, I'm rather surprised, Aurora. After everything that happened before, I didn't think you two would see each other again, much less..
"I know, I know. I didn't either. But we've talked a lot, and we've come to this place where it just ... it fits. I feel like I've been missing the real thing and I can finally breathe right. It's clear to me that I never actually stopped loving her, I just tried to put a band-aid over it." Rory paused, chewing at her lower lip again. "Say something?"
Well, you know I always really liked her. I just know how heartbroken you were when you broke up. Hell, so was I. And you with Jess, I was happy for you. I liked her because you did. She was ... a little much.
Evelyn chuckled a little at that, and Rory had to smile, though she hadn't really realized that her eyes were brimming with tears - the relief was palpable.
"Yeah. That didn't go very well but ... I knew I couldn't marry her. I knew it, I think on some level, the first time I saw Maris. She breeze right into my coffee shop if you believe it. I was so shocked and angry but I felt it in my bones ..." She trailed off, thinking back to the way her heart pounded that day, and an ache settled in the pit of her stomach she tried to pass off as just being upset and unsettled. She knew better.
How was it with Jess, then, really? When you told her? Does she know about Maris?
"Not really. It was ... not great. I hope she's better by now, I really do. But I would have been a terrible wife to her. I know that now. I think I just wanted it to work so badly, but I was so focused on what she wanted, not what I wanted. I didn't ... she and I didn't challenge each other, it was easy in a way that didn't feel like it would last. And I can see that now."
I understand that. I'm sure it was a blow to her... but I also know you, and I know you do things deliberately and with so much compassion.
"Thank you."
Are you really happy?
"I really am. I'm happier than I've been in years. I don't have a single doubt about her, or what we're building together."
Then sweetheart, I'm happy for you. I really am. And I don't even have to pretend to like this one!
"Mother!" Rory was laughing, relieved that of the hundreds of ways that could have gone, her mother had just as much compassion and grace as she had given to her own children.
When Rory came out to Evelyn Berlanti, she had been in such a mess of hysterical tears that she could barely get her words out. Evelyn had just brushed off her tears and said some version of "oh sweetheart, I've known for a while." Rory was grateful she didn't have a bible-thumping type of parent who might have immediately sent her to straight camps or whatever. Her mom had even said it was a bit of a relief, and considering the utter disappointment that was Rory's father, she understood it. Though her love life was not without drama... clearly.
Evelyn had seen her through a lot of troubling times. She had held her through her first real heartbreak, and then a second. She'd fought with her so much they both went hoarse -- though what those fights were even about, Rory couldn't remember. Funny when you got older, you could see your parents in a very different light.
Rory had been really nervous about telling her mom that the wedding, and her relationship with Jess was over, just a couple weeks before. When Evelyn tried to ask more questions, Rory danced around the obvious. She didn't want everything to pile one on top of the other. She didn't want an ounce of accusatory feelings to be sent towards Maris. She wanted to make sure that everything their future held would be supported by the other people she loved most. So she'd given it some time ... no matter how hard it was not to be yelling to everyone who passed her by how happy she was.
It was a rare afternoon by herself, so she sat on her bed cross-legged and closed her eyes as she focused on a couple deep breaths. She knew what she wanted to say for the most part, but she was nervous. Less for herself, but more for what it would mean for the relationship Evelyn would have with Maris. Sticking her earbuds in, she finally pressed her mother's name on her phone, wincing a little as nerves roiled inside of her.
Hi sweetheart, what do I owe this call?
"Hey mom, oh just having an afternoon to myself." She paused, listening through a story her mom launched right into about Valerie, the neighbor she always seemed to have a like/not-so-like thing with. Rory chuckled, a little relieved to fall into a story about trimmed hedges and stolen lemons.
You sound tired, are you alright? How are you, really?
Rory chewed on her lip for a moment before nodding, like her mother could see her. She was alright, more than, and conveying that and everything else felt like it might be tricky. But she needed to know, because she was about to burst with it.
"Actually, I'm really good. I need to tell you some things, and I just ... I need you not to say anything until I'm done. Okay?"
A moment of silence before her mother tentatively agreed. The floor was, figuratively hers.
"I've been going through a lot of big changes over the past few weeks. I know you weren't really expecting the wedding to be cancelled, and all of that. It's been an adjustment for you, I know. But it's something that was coming for a long time, I think. Longer than I was really willing to admit. I'm um..." God, Rory hated when she rambled on. Her mother knew this, and gently encouraged her to just say what she needed to.
"I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life. And that's not just the freedom from leaving my relationship that wasn't the right fit." She hadn't said that out loud so much until now. It felt like the right way to say it, and true.
"Maris moved to Maine."
She exhaled finally, feeling like tension had fallen from her shoulders just saying it. Even if it was quiet for a moment on the other end of the line, it was there, the beginning of her everything.
Did she? And how's that been?
There was nothing accusatory in her mother's tone, but Rory knew that Evelyn had been witness to how utterly shattered she'd been in the wake of her breakup with Maris.
"Not well, at first. But ..." She smiled to herself, as her fingers worried at the hem of her sweater. "Mom, none of it went away. She's my person and I think I was kind of an idiot to think otherwise. We've started seeing each other again." She conveniently left out the when of how they'd started. Some things didn't need to be shared.
I won't lie, I'm rather surprised, Aurora. After everything that happened before, I didn't think you two would see each other again, much less..
"I know, I know. I didn't either. But we've talked a lot, and we've come to this place where it just ... it fits. I feel like I've been missing the real thing and I can finally breathe right. It's clear to me that I never actually stopped loving her, I just tried to put a band-aid over it." Rory paused, chewing at her lower lip again. "Say something?"
Well, you know I always really liked her. I just know how heartbroken you were when you broke up. Hell, so was I. And you with Jess, I was happy for you. I liked her because you did. She was ... a little much.
Evelyn chuckled a little at that, and Rory had to smile, though she hadn't really realized that her eyes were brimming with tears - the relief was palpable.
"Yeah. That didn't go very well but ... I knew I couldn't marry her. I knew it, I think on some level, the first time I saw Maris. She breeze right into my coffee shop if you believe it. I was so shocked and angry but I felt it in my bones ..." She trailed off, thinking back to the way her heart pounded that day, and an ache settled in the pit of her stomach she tried to pass off as just being upset and unsettled. She knew better.
How was it with Jess, then, really? When you told her? Does she know about Maris?
"Not really. It was ... not great. I hope she's better by now, I really do. But I would have been a terrible wife to her. I know that now. I think I just wanted it to work so badly, but I was so focused on what she wanted, not what I wanted. I didn't ... she and I didn't challenge each other, it was easy in a way that didn't feel like it would last. And I can see that now."
I understand that. I'm sure it was a blow to her... but I also know you, and I know you do things deliberately and with so much compassion.
"Thank you."
Are you really happy?
"I really am. I'm happier than I've been in years. I don't have a single doubt about her, or what we're building together."
Then sweetheart, I'm happy for you. I really am. And I don't even have to pretend to like this one!
"Mother!" Rory was laughing, relieved that of the hundreds of ways that could have gone, her mother had just as much compassion and grace as she had given to her own children.