Rory really had never been a fan of the doctor. Was anyone ever actually a fan of going to the doctor? It had annoyed her once she hit puberty that all of a sudden now she had to go to the doctor more to make sure her health was good all around. That had evolved over time, more of just a chore than anything else, but recent visits felt different. If Maris was going to go through all of the testing for fertility and general reproductive health, it made sense for Rory to do the same. Ducks in a row, and all that.

It felt different after Maris’ appointment, Rory really did lack any kind of concern about herself. It was all about Maris and what the doctor would say about her, and the concerns that she had. Rory would have probably paced a bit in the waiting room had she not thought she’d look like an absolute crazy person. And probably stress out the nurses there.

Since Maris told Rory everything about what she feared and they’d been able to talk through some of it, Rory wanted to be sure that everything they did next was on her wife’s terms. The last thing she would ever want was for them to rush into something like parenting and expanding their family when they weren’t ready. They had time, they could wait, or just take it all one step at a time.

Rory kept hold of Maris’ hand the whole tube ride home, and the walk up the few blocks from the station closest to their home. It was a walk that Rory had grown to really love. The pub at the corner was charming and had great cocktails and good food. The house that Rory always said that gave them a run for their money looking like a witch’s house with wisteria trees draping over their hedges. She loved the trees that lined their street, how they bloomed pink in the spring. All these little things she noticed but also thought seemed a little bit different now that she thought about their street and what this walk would feel like if they had a little one in a stroller or strapped to their chest.

The thought alone gave her butterflies.

Once home, she tossed her keys into the bowl they had by the front door and paused to take off her shoes. "I'll make us some tea." She said as she kissed her wife's cheek, giving her hand a squeeze before finally breaking off to put the pot on. Emma was, naturally, sunning herself by the window on the table, barely twitching an ear when she walked in. Rory smiled and shook her head before turning to face her wife. "So... how are you feeling after all of that?"

Maris didn't like doctors either. She was the sort of person who hated being fussed over, even when she was sick. Since most check ups were preventative, she really didn't like being poked and prodded at when she was fine.

Pregnancy meant opting into them. She hated the gynecologists'. It was awkward, invasive. The idea of getting inseminated made her feel mortified. Like a cow or something but she also knew she'd do it. She'd do all of it because there was no other choice and their child would be worth it in the end but the process was already awkward.

It had forced Maris to have conversations she'd never had before. She'd learned the truth about her mother and told Rory about her fear of becoming her.

A fear that went beyond motherhood, really.

She wasn't sure if all the doctor's visits would get any easier. If anything there would be more, invasive ones to come and certainly an increasing number if she actually got pregnant and they got closer to delivery time but...she was surprisingly calm as they left the office, most of her tension was gone by the time they reached their front door.

It was over with. For now. One visit out of the way.

"Can I have some whiskey instead?" she said somewhat sheepishly. "I'm not spiraling. Just... still feeling a bit...." She waved her hand a bit, knowing Rory would understand that uneasy feeling that took a while to fade even after the hard part of your day was over.

She nodded her thanks when she got what she asked for, then smiled a little. "Fine. She says its all fine. She doesn't see any problems with me getting pregnant and I really don't have any issues that we have to keep an eye on or work around. You know, switching medications and such if they wouldn't be okay for the baby. And I was right. About the not automatically...." She swallowed. "Checking out thing. She said if we were really wanting someone to keep a close eye we could get a midwife since they do a lot of home visits but... I'm not sure I want that."

Rory knew Maris didn't like to be fussed over. And while she did want to make sure she and their baby got the best care, she also wanted it to be...easy, stress free. And private. She'd go to the hospital, do her check ups.... she didn't want some woman poking and prodding, in her business and asking her how she felt on a biweekly basis for nine months.

"I have you, you know?" she said with a bit of a shrug as if that much was a given. She knew Rory was just as invested in their baby as she was. She'd be just as invested in her pregnancy, her agreement to tag along to the doctor was proof of that. She or her wife would notice if something was going wrong and if she didn't well... she didn't see why a doctor's visit couldn't.

The two of them really were in uncharted territory now. She supposed that most couples, no matter their sexuality felt a little outside of their depth when it came to the idea of starting a family. But it was different for people like them. There were extra steps, which sometimes felt very unfair, but it wasn't like Rory would have it any other way. The idea that they were embarking on this big new chapter felt beautiful to her, even if it was scary. With their resolve to have Maris go first, and the fears her wife had expressed to her, it made Rory even more protective of her wife than she already was.

"Of course." Rory said with a little bit of a sigh, a small smile on her lips because her wife was right: this called for some whiskey. She turned the stove off, but used the cups she'd already brought out to give them each a couple fingers of whiskey.

Rory stood close to Maris after giving her drink over, but enough to give her a little bit of breathing room. This next step really was a big one, and it was one that brought up a lot. "This is all good news." Rory said gently, reaching over to just rest her hand over Maris', her thumb brushing gently against her wrist. She stayed quiet otherwise, letting Maris speak what she needed to, mulling over these options out loud.

"You'd hate a midwife." Rory said with a small smile, an attempt to lighten the mood, but also knowing her wife. They might end up needing the help. They might end up wanting someone else there to help them if need be, but for now the gentle tease felt like the truth.

For whatever reason, Maris' sentiment struck Rory right in the chest. She smiled a little wider, bowing her head as she nodded. She felt a blush on her cheeks that wasn't a bashful one, but filled with emotion. "Of course you have me. And I have you." It was what their relationship had always been. Equal footing, equal love, equal support of each other. The kind of love that Rory figured didn't actually exist for anyone else on the planet. Sorry, other humans.

"I know you're going to be an amazing mom, Maris. You care so deeply, and I see how much you want it. It makes me love you even more." Even if Maris had doubts of what it would feel like, or if her own family history would encroach on their lives, Rory had the kind of faith that they would be able to deal with it, head on. Just like Maris said, they had each other.

"I know right?!" Maris said with a bit of a grin, charmed that her wife knew her well enough to know that some sort of doula wasn't an option. "Some granola breath telling me how to pant and constantly checking my blood pressure."

Maris supposed there was a little more to it than that. And she didn't doubt that midwives were medical professionals but there was a sort of... homeopathic element to relying on one that she didn't really trust or like.

The constant questions and poking and prodding weren't the only reason she didn't want some midwife showing up at the house during her pregnancy.

"I want this baby to be ours, Rory," Maris said firmly, giving her wife's hand a little squeeze. She knew it was probably a strange thing to say.

Of course it would be.

But she still paused for a moment and tried to explain her meaning.

"I'm obviously going to go to the doctor and all my appointments and make sure we're looked after, but I want this to be private. It's our baby. Our moment to...experience this. I don't want tons of people butting in or... I want to enjoy this. You and me. There's already going to be way too many people involved in the beginning. With the..." She swallowed, swiping a strand of hair behind her ear. "Procedure. It's already too complicated. I just want this to mostly revolve around the two of us. Well, three I suppose, if everything works out."

Her compliment caught Maris off guard. She was no stranger to praise but... she wasn't sure anyone had ever accused her of having... well, most of the warm, caring qualities associated with motherhood.

"No one's ever said that to me before," she said, her voice soft like she couldn't quite believe she'd heard Rory right. It felt good. Better and stronger than she'd ever admit to it feeling. Her lips twitched as her eyes became slightly wet. "You really think so?"

Rory's grin spread across her face easily as Maris took her comment and ran with it. Honestly the only nice thing about having a doula (other than the expertise) would be the way they'd become their own versions of Statler & Waldorf to cut apart everything she did. After she was gone from their presence, of course. They weren't complete savages. "She'd just tell you to drink more water and do some baby yoga, I guarantee it."

The idea of having someone around them all the time wasn't really their vibe, really with anything but she kind of felt especially protective over their space now and she only knew she would get more so when Maris was pregnant. The thought alone made her all warm to think about.

That feeling doubled, tripled when Maris said it. It made her eyes well up a little so she ducked her head, not wanting to be a total goober about it. The baby was going to be theirs. "You're right, our baby will be ours." She nodded, feeling even more misty just saying it out loud.

"And you get to have all the drugs you want." She smiled a little, turning towards her wife and reaching over to squeeze Maris' wrist so she held onto her arm with both hands now. "I know a lot of people talk about hiring a night nurse or having a family member come and stay in the early days, but even that feels like... I just want it to be us. Our family with our little one." She didn't like the idea of a relative stranger being there for them, no matter how skilled. Knowing Rory, she was going to be so well read and well researched, that she'd at least know in her mind what to do. Even if practice was totally different. "We'll take classes, we'll be prepared. But I want it to just be the three of us, too."

Rory said it, but she meant it. Entirely, with her whole heart. "I absolutely think so." She said, sliding her arm around her wife, drawing her in closer. She knew the kind of woman her wife was, and the kind of fiercely protective, deeply loving person she was. "Our kids are going to be so fucking lucky to have you for a mom."

Maris knew some people had a relatives come stay with them after the baby was born. They were usually the same relatives who came go to babysitters, the ones who helped you when you really started needing an extra hand with things like school pick ups or childcare when you were at work.

Moving to England meant they wouldn't really have that, or at least very often. As much as Maris loved their families and knew they'd be excited, she was almost grateful for that. Parents had a way of butting in when they didn't really mean to.

Maris was sort of glad the baby would be theirs in that sense too. She and Rory could handle it. If heterosexual couples were any indication, most babies only had one parent invested and doing the brunt of the work.

Theirs would have two.

"Mmm, in no way too proud for drugs," she teased. "Although looking ahead at all the stuff I won't be able to have soon I'm sorely tempted to do some now while I still can..." she trailed off with a cheeky smirk, sipping her whiskey for emphasis before looking at her glass. "I heard you shouldn't drink if you want to... maybe I should stop soon if we want it to take."

Maris wasn't much of a drinker to begin with but... she supposed it couldn't hurt.

She sat down her glass, then leaned up for a kiss, resting their foreheads together. "And you'll be amazing too. Better than me, really. Patient. And sweet." She playfully tapped Rory's chin. "And mine first so this baby better not get any ideas about being your favorite."

Something that Rory had always, always loved about Maris was the fact that she, much like herself, was an independent person. There was this notion that Rory had always had that she didn't need another person to complete her, but rather wanted someone that chose day in and day out to be with her and grow together, not one picking up what the other was missing. Maris was exactly that to her, this fully realized, incredible, smart, beautiful, sexy person that had become her person. It made sense to her that the both of them would have similar ideas about how they would be with their own family when they expanded it. She didn't want anyone hovering but the two of them.

Eventually, she knew that their friends and family would descend upon London and it would be a swarm of extra hands and activity, but for those first at least couple precious months, Rory did just want it to be them. After a couple of months, they'd probably welcome the reprieve to have a date night or a full night's sleep with family there to help.

But their baby was going to be theirs. He (or she, whichever came first) would know from the very second he came screaming into the world that he was being born into a family with his mothers who would give him the world. Even though she knew her wife was nervous about how she might feel, Rory really in her gut didn't have a doubt about what would come.

"Oh really??" Rory raised her eyebrows with a grin, watching her wife's face as she sipped at her drink. "Well, we can do some mushrooms and trip balls before we start the process if you want." She laughed, setting her own glass down as she slid both arms tighter around her wife. "I'll not drink in solidarity with you, too. We're in this together in every step of the way."

Rory couldn't help the wide grin that spread across her features, the cheeky comment from her wife that deep down she knew wouldn't even be an issue. "Yours first, always." She agreed and kissed her again, slow and deep as she kept her flush against her. "We're really going to do this, babe." She murmured as their lips parted, hardly even able to believe it herself, but so excited to get going.