There was a lot of extra work put in to starting up the school year now that she was a department head but Maris (and her wife) seemed to be rising to the challenge.

It was the biggest promotion she'd ever gotten. One she'd put in and been passed over for at their old school, but Maris wasn't nervous. The beauty of their private school was that it was small. Maris only had a little more added to her workload. Which meant she got the authority, acknowledgement and respect she craved without having to do much more for it.

But something new was making her uneasy and weighing slightly heavy on her mind.

Rory was giving Maris her first shot tonight.

Nobody really liked needles, but Maris was okay with them if they were small and she didn't have to see them going in. She felt a little silly that her wife would have to do it, if only because she hated being fussed over and liked to do things herself but this was big.

And she didn't really know what to expect.

She knew Rory had been joking a bit when she teased her about getting her pregnant for her birthday but... Maris kind of liked the idea. She'd been wanting to just go for it more and more since they started talking more seriously about it but there was still a lot to talk about and as close as they were and as good as Maris was at forcing herself to talk about things with Rory she'd normally clam up or shut someone else out for, she wasn't sure where to start.

Hey, what kind of guy do we want sperm from? was an inherently awkward conversation and one she never really thought she'd have, even with her now wife.

She'd always been able to picture a future with Rory, even in the early years with her stupid attempts to keep her at arm's length. A child was a new want, just like marriage had once been.

But they were stronger desires than anything she'd ever felt before.

There was still a day to get through so Maris sighed and pulled out the last poster she needed to hang to get her classroom ready before students arrived in a few hours.

She rummaged around her desk drawer for thumb tacks, cursing as the one she found jabbed her thumb, immediately shoving it in her mouth to soothe it.

Maris laughed as she looked up to see her wife. "Oh good, you're catching me at my best."

Summer was somehow gone in a blur. It was less the weather she would miss as Autumn was definitely her favorite of the seasons, and more that she would miss lazy days spent with her wife, traveling on a whim or spending a day in bed with not a stitch on them. Getting back into normal schedules was taking a little bit of an adjustment.

Add to that they both had departments to run, and Rory had been of a mess of anxiety leading up to the first day of school. Her wife's calm over the situation had calmed Rory exponentially, so when that first day came around, Rory felt entirely ready. Invincible even.

But there was indeed the other thing. The bigger thing. The starting their family with a shot and a prayer thing that left her feeling on the precipice with her wife. This was it. They were doing it.

Rory was excited, the thrill of nerves playing a part, yes, but overall it was her excitement that carried her through the day. She knew that most couples didn't have success on their first try, but that wouldn't stop Rory from hoping.

Dreaming of their future family was easy. Dreaming of what could be, of Keats and of Jane, of their little babes in fashionable clothes and the kind of books they would read. They could dream as big as they wanted to, but when they got into the minutiae of the how, it was certainly a process. And not exactly the easiest, either.

No matter what, they were walking side by side in this journey together, and their future was growing closer by the minute. Rory was glad they had waited a full year to begin, but even then, it felt like it was perfect timing. They'd found jobs, they had their home, now with promotions to boot, the time felt excellent.

Rory actually brought in some fresh flowers from their garden today, figuring a pop of brightness could do for a first morning. Plucking a pink Rose from her vase, she walked across the hall to Maris' room just to see her rear back in pain.

"Careful babe, I'm supposed to be the only one jabbing you today." Rory said with a soft laugh, her brow knit a little as she walked over to her wife's desk. Leaning to half-sit against it next to where Maris was, she took her wife's hand in her free one and inspected the wound. "No major injuries, please." She said and brought her wife's hand to her lips to press a kiss against her thumb.

"This is for you, by the way." She said as she held up her other hand with the rose in it. "Never mind that you know exactly where I got it."

Maris felt a little mortified that Rory had caught her in a clumsy moment but her embarrassment didn't have a chance to really settle in.

She felt... almost relieved that her wife was joking about the shot later tonight. They both agreed that they would start this month and marked off today on their calendar because it was apparently the best day in her cycle but they hadn't really talked about it much after.

This whole process was a bit awkward, but Maris didn't like to talk about it a lot for fear of boring her wife. She didn't want too obsess and fixate on it and make getting pregnant feel like some sort of chore. Dwelling on it too much would mean any setbacks would be even more crushing than normal and she didn't want her wife to feel like babies were all she thought about or that something was somehow missing or leaving her unfulfilled. She'd be happy until they got pregnant. She'd be happy even if they never did.

She felt better, touched, even that Rory was thinking about it too. She was slightly worried her wife may have even forgotten and hey, honey can you come inject me with hormones so i can get inseminated? was another inherently awkward conversation she was hoping to skip.

She smiled as she took the rose, smelling it even though Rory was right, she knew where it came from and exactly what it smelt like.

"You're sweet," she said softly. She gestured for Rory to give her a moment. She hung up her poster where she wanted, studying it for moment before deciding it was straight, then gave her wife her full attention.

And a very slow, surprisingly tender kiss.

"Did you see the new sign on the door?" she murmured, resting their foreheads together as she pulled away. "New job title means new signs which means they finally listened when I corrected them on my fucking name. Did they fix yours too?"

It was amazing in a way that when she caught her wife off guard, even in a clumsy moment or a silly one or something just entirely uninhibited that made Rory feel like she somehow just loved her wife all the more. So a thumb tack to the finger wasn't exactly ideal because even the slightest bit of pain made Rory want to protect her, but Rory felt that same feeling just the same.

They were on the precipice of something, and she felt that, but there was also something giddy about the whole thing. If Rory could bring even a little bit of levity to the gravity of what they were about to do, she was going to. It should be something to smile about ... if it wasn't going to cause her wife a bit of pain in the process.

She'd done a lot of reading up and research about it, because of course she had. Rory liked to be prepared, which she realized she'd have to let go of some control because pregnancy and parenthood at large were unpredictable. They were ready for this step. She felt it in her bones, and wanted it. She didn't want to put that added pressure on Maris, but god, she wanted to be a mother. That desire had never been as strong as it was in this past year after their wedding. As traditional as it might seem, marriage had put in her mind that time for babies would be imminent. Not that she wanted to rush anything, or take a single day for granted that was just the two of them. Even as they planned their children, Rory knew they'd want date nights and time alone, but that could be figured out far later.

"Oh I know, that's why you married me." Rory teased with a grin, but as high as her mood was, she really did love the way Maris looked touched by the gesture, in that way which made her heart squeeze in her chest.

Grinning as she slid herself to sit on Maris' desk, she glanced towards the door as though she could see the sign from inside. "I sure did. It matches mine. Finally." It wasn't something they were able to make a huge fuss about last year, but the promotion really had given them some leverage, and there was something about it which made Rory feel more settled. All the more that this was exactly where they were supposed to be.

"Big day today." She could have meant school itself, or what their after work plans were tonight. "I know we're probably going to want to stay in, but I kind of feel like we should do something to celebrate. I could cook us a nice dinner, or we could order in from that fancy bistro that actually delivers?"

Maris had been reading about pregnancy even before she confessed to Rory that she wanted to start trying. She'd read about the shots, naturally nervous about what injecting something into her body would do and feel like. But she had no idea what to expect, really. Side effects had a way of either being non existent or way worse than you expected. She knew she'd never be able to concentrate in some restaurant.

If anything, she just wanted to get home, a place where she felt safe and get this thing done as soon as possible. And if it really wasn't so bad well, then at least she'll have gotten the mystery out of the way.

The uncertainty was the worst part of all of it.

"No, I just want to go home," she said softly. "We have enough to do tonight, I don't want you to worry about cooking. We'll order in, drink some wine to calm down or something?"

Should she drink? A nagging little voice said she probably shouldn't. But Maris had stopped since the day she mentioned it to Rory and wine was harmless. Pregnant women were even allowed a glass every now and again.

Shouldn't they be celebrating?

Besides, Maris needed something to soothe her nerves and considering cigarettes were her usual go to when she was feeling this anxious...

"Or I'm sure we could figure out other ways to wind down..." she teased with a slightly cheeky grin.

Their journey was always going to be a little bit harder (or a lot harder) than any of their heterosexual peers, and Rory had known that from the time she ever started thinking about wanting kids. Truthfully, she'd never wanted kids as much as she wanted them with Maris. Even when she was younger and her sister was having kids, she thought about having her own in a kind of wistful way. It sucked a bit, having her younger sister start a family before she did, but there had been times she had even resigned herself to the idea that maybe she'd end up doing it on her own, if she didn't find the right partner. But here was Maris, the most perfect match she could have ever hoped for. Maris, the love of her life, her wife and mother to whatever children they would have. There was a kind of reference in that, in the way she revered her wife and this idea of the family they would have.

Tonight meant a lot to the both of them, and Rory was ready for all that it would bring. She was prepared if it wouldn't take the first time, almost expecting it. But it would be good to just enjoy the process, or try to, even if it might be hard.

"Ordering in and wine sounds perfect, honey." Rory smiled fondly at her wife, her gaze soft as she thought about all that could come for them. Tonight would be something to get through with the shot, but it was cause for celebration. They were embarking on this big journey to have children. In a way, even though it was a harder process for them, it felt more special than what she imagined any couple who could be "surprise" by a pregnancy might feel.

They wanted these children. They had to want them, and to work for them. They already loved them enough to do everything to have them at all.

"Oh, I'm sure a couple of creative minds like ours will come up with something." She grinned, standing up in order to close the small space between them. Her fingers hooked under her wife's chin and drew her closer to kiss her, her lips lingering in a slow kiss. "I really love you, you know." She knew her wife knew that, but Rory felt almost overwhelmed with needing to tell her.

"I know," Maris whispered back, letting out a soft snort at how Han Solo she just sounded. "I love you too," she said, nuzzling her neck.

It was a pretty tender moment, one she normally wouldn't have had outside of their home (and especially at school) but thinking about tonight did have her emotions running high.

Maris was scared, but excited, but all of that was overruled by appreciation for her wife.

She knew she wouldn't have done this with anyone else. She wouldn't have even had a child on her own, despite being precisely the sort of determined, independent woman who knew she didn't need a partner and would probably thrive as a single parent.

Maris was having a baby with and in a sense, for the only woman she could and would ever contemplate children with.

She loved her and she hadn't realized quite how much till now. Was there anything more beautiful and bonding than bringing new life into the world?

She wanted it to work, not just because she was a little worried about what all these extra hormones would do to her body if she had to stay on them long term. It was soft, slightly outdated thinking but she wanted to give Rory a baby and knew she would feel somewhat inadequate if she couldn't do it, or even do it fairly quickly. She knew Rory would be patient but... part of her wanted to almost...impress her? In a weird way, she sort of wanted to prove that she could.

She just didn't want to let her down.

There was a soft knock on her door and Maris untangled herself from Rory, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I'm planning something with the econ teacher. I'll see you at home?"

Rory grinned at the classic Han Solo moment, reveling in these few moments of peace before their students would descend upon them.

It really was wonderful, the way their lives had come together in London. It had been such a leap of faith, being barely newlyweds and off to a new country with nothing but their dream house to move into. They'd had faith that they would get jobs, that they would settle into their new lives and build it all together. And they'd done exactly that. While having children might not be a piece of cake, Rory had no doubts that they would handle everything that came their way. Together.

Their moment ended too soon, but the sooner their day got started, the sooner they could go home. "Of course." Rory said with a smile, stealing one more kiss from her wife before heading off to her own classroom.

The day had been mostly uneventful, each of her classes was a similar spiel of what the semester would have in store for them, what was expected, and a little fun of discussing what summer had brought them.

By the time she collected her wife and they were on the tube home, Rory found herself entirely distracted, practically bouncing as they walked the few blocks from the tube station to their home. Every time she swung through that gate, she felt like her heart was expanding in her chest. It hadn't gone away in the slightest throughout the months they'd lived there. Their dream home.

Her shoes and jacket were dropped by the door just as they walked in, a little swell of nerves in her gut that she tried to ignore. "Should we start with wine?" She said, pulling out her phone to check on the ETA of the order they'd put in for dinner. "I think we've got a bottle of champagne too, if we really want to celebrate."

"Maybe we should save the champagne for-" Maris stopped herself from saying when it works. If all of this worked she wouldn't be having any alcohol at all.

She let the sentence hang in the air, offering her wife a weak, slightly lopsided smile. "Besides, you know champagne always goes straight to my head."

But was that a bad thing in Maris' current state? Maybe it would be better to have something that made her feel a little fuzzy to help calm her nerves, but... another part of her wanted to be entirely lucid for this moment.

She wanted to remember it. even if it was the first of many tries at this whole pregnancy thing, it seemed important.

Not used to the flats she wore to work and very few other places after a summer away, she toed off her shoes and sideswiped them to sit next to Rory's.

She wanted to get this over with, but...

"We should probably eat first. One of the side effects is feeling kinda queasy and having stomachaches."

Wasn't that a sign of pregnancy? It only backed up Maris' theory that pregnancy symptoms were vague and all the stuff she was taking to get to that point would probably give her a few false alarms and with them, false hope, but did she even know when these side effects would start?

She assumed the shots would take a little while to actually travel through her system and kick in. She probably wouldn't feel out of sorts for a few hours, maybe even tomorrow (if she even felt bad at all).

But how would she know?

There was so much she didn't know about any of this and that should have drove a person like Maris crazy but she was dealing.

She would deal and not just because she didn't really have a choice.

She was very willingly signing up for all of this.

She sighed a little, unbuttoning the top few buttons on her blouse now that they were home. The house was a bit stuffy after being shut tight all day.

"We should probably talk about something, actually. I know we've kind of touched on what sort of donor we'd like but maybe we should make a list of criteria or something?"

Maybe it was slightly immature but Maris didn't like thinking about the fact that they needed a donor. She resented the fact that they couldn't (biologically) doing this on their own. And she didn't like thinking about some strange man's genetic material entering her body. If she thought about it too much it felt gross, weirdly invasive, even. She didn't want to think about how it felt to Rory. She knew she'd feel awkward, or at least a certain kind of way when she was in her Rory's shoes, watching her get pregnant. She'd be a little jealous. She'd wish she could just do it herself.

Even if she knew this would be their child in every sense of the word.

"I know you love a liiiiiist..." Maris joked, trailing off enticingly.

Maris was right though, champagne was celebratory and as much as tonight was a celebration, it was also a big thing, a big hurdle they would need to get through. And get used to, if the schedule of hormone therapy was anything to go by. Rory was trying to maintain her optimistic excitement, and not think about the actual moment that she’d undoubtedly be a bit nervous.

“It does, and I’m not trying to make you a cheap drunk.” Rory teased, easier to do so as they settled in.

There were so many factors that went into a day like today. Both of them being ready, both of them knowing what they were in for (as much as they could, anyway), both of them looking forward to the future and all that they hoped it would be.

As nerve wracking as the ordeal itself was, Rory felt so exhilarated by the idea that they were going to do this together. She was glad that she got to do this part. It would feel sterile and cold if a doctor had to do this part, and honestly Rory wanted to be as invested throughout every part of the process as she could be.

“You’re right, I think it should be here in about five.” She said as she put her phone down on the counter and moved over to her wife.

Maris was the one who was going to go through the most changes, and while they could romanticize so much of this, the fact was that Rory would only get to know so much until it was her turn. But she had meant it when she told her wife that she was going to be with her every step of the way. She was going to hold her hand through the moments she struggled, or the joyful ones. And yes, she would gladly sit on the bathroom floor with ginger ale and rubbing her back if morning sickness kicked in.

It was a little hard, if she thought too hard about it, that she was going to be somewhat on the outside looking in. Their children were going to be undoubtedly their children, but the extra steps needed gave her a similar feeling of aggravation. How ridiculous was it, that heterosexual couples didn’t even have to care enough to put so much effort into their children. Both she and Maris had experienced similar feelings of what went with an absent parent. It really did give her a better feeling however, to know that their children would be so wanted, so loved, and so adored from the moment they arrived. She’d focus on that.

“Oh, you know just the way to my heart.” Rory said with her eyes gleaming in delight. Finding a donor would be a little bit odd. Finding criteria, sifting through photos of, if what she’d read about most donors was true, children versions of who their donors were. On the one hand it felt good not to be able to just walk by and see some guy who gave his dna to your child on the street, but on the other hand, Rory liked to have all the factors.

Rory held up a finger, turning towards the drawers on the far end of the kitchen and producing a notebook and a pen. “If you thought I was going to let this slide without pen and paper…” She trailed off, not finishing her sentence but merely grinning as she clicked her pen and bent over the counter. “I’m going to insist on at least a college degree. Doctorate if we can push it.”

Maris tried not to smile at the fact that her wife had a notebook stashed away in the kitchen of all places. She wasn't about to tease her for it. She found Rory's list making adorable. And if there was ever a time to plot out your moves and plan for every possible scenario...

She pulled the cork out of a bottle of wine, pouring herself a tiny bit in comparison to Rory. She wasn't pregnant yet and one could argue restricting herself even before she'd started really taking any steps to get there was overkill, but Maris wanted the insemination to take. It wouldn't just be disheartening to go through multiple rounds.

She didn't want them to spend a small fortune simply because she'd been careless.

She slid Rory her glass before sitting down next to her. "See, my first thought feels kind of shallow in comparison to yours." She took a small sip and shrugged, coming out with it anyway. "He should be tall. We're tall. It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if our kid was shorter than us but they might feel weird."

And Maris wanted their child to look as much like them as they could manage.

She laughed a little, shaking her head at how much she sounded like some shallow straight woman on a dating app. NO ONE UNDER 6 FT

"But yeah, education's a must. I feel like I care more about getting someone who is smart as opposed to athletic or a great pianist or something."

She slid her hand across the table, lightly squeezing Rory's. "It's hard because I would just say we'll just find someone who reminds us of you, but you're going to use them eventually so we have to make sure they'll have some of me too?" She winced a little. "Does that make sense? We have to figure it all out at once."

True to form, Rory always had a pen and a notebook stashed somewhere. Her purse, her night stand, the one in the kitchen she would say was just logical. It was what she'd grown up with. Granted, she had grown up in the world before cell phones, so having a pen and pad of paper by the phone was necessary for messages or whatever. This one just came in handy for today.

There was a lot that they had to think about with their upcoming pregnancy. Rory knew that once Maris stopped drinking, she would naturally do the same. Some kind of solidarity, but also she wanted to eb as in, step by step, with her wife as she possibly could be. She'd give up sushi with Maris, she'd give up ... soft cheeses and whatever else they needed to. Rory felt like these things really weren't even a sacrifice in any way shape or form. The reward was so worth it.

"Okay but you're thinking the actual things that are more nature versus nurture, so you're being smart." Rory smiled, leaning over and kissing the side of Maris' head before picking up her glass to take a sip.

"NO shorties." She narrated with a smirk as she wrote that down on the list. It was crazy to try and think about aesthetically what they'd want. Couldn't they just show pictures of themselves to a bank and say "like us, but with the other bits"?

Rory nodded, thoughtfully tapping the pen against the paper. "Plus, I feel like those things might not be as... genetic? Our kids will get some sports outta me if so, but I don't care if they want to play all the sports or read every book... okay I do care about the latter." She laughed softly.

Taking her wife's hand, she slid her fingers through hers, squeezing back. "That makes sense." She said softly, putting the pen down and sliding her other hand over their laced together ones. "Whoever we find, I wonder if we try and find someone with a mixture of both of our backgrounds? Some Italian on my side? I feel like if maybe we find someone who is as much of a mix as we are, it'll just kind of fit?"

Maris had thought so much about this lately. She wanted a child. The particulars weren't all that important to her. She suspected they weren't to most people. She just wanted her baby to be a perfect mix of her and her partner.

She suspected that was the case for most people too.

Okay, that was a lie. Maris' problem student was proof that she couldn't really deal with a mini her.

She wanted a baby Rory.

In a way, it was good that they were alike. She suspected they both wanted their child to be intelligent, well read, able to stand on their own two feet and speak their mind (albeit in a few more years because Maris was actually looking forward to looking after someone). They would pick up those qualities, either from whichever one of their mothers carried them or through good old observation and instruction but... what did they want?

"Fuck, this feels like Build-A-Baby," Maris muttered, referencing some overpriced teddy bear shop Eli had dragged her into when he needed to get a last minute birthday present for his nephew.

"Well, we're both Jewish so I guess we don't need to worry about our donor being that..."

Technically, Maris was also Greek on her dad's side but did she care about that? A little, maybe but certainly not enough to make it a deal breaker if they found a guy they liked that wasn't.

And she wasn't about to dive into the mix (and admitted mystery) that was her mom's side of things.

But Rory's Italian heritage did seem an important piece of the puzzle that was her wife so she shrugged.

"He'd have to be Italian, I guess? I'm not sure I have anything I'm really firm on, darling. I just..."

She sipped her wine, making a bit of a face because she couldn't think of a less saccharine way to voice her previous thought out loud.

"I just want a little you," she muttered.

>For all the people out there in the world who just happened to find themselves pregnant with whatever random person they'd hooked up with, it felt kind of silly in comparison. She and Maris were putting in so much work to even begin to have children. They had to be meticulous in the way they chose their doctors, their donor, even the path they would take to get there.

It felt a little unfair, but Rory wasn't dwelling on that. In fact, she looked forward to the things that they would do together. She looked forward to every step they would discover, even if it was hard. Because they were on the same page, and they wanted this.

Rory had always loved the idea of being a mother. She adored her niece and nephew, and had always enjoyed earning money by babysitting growing up. But having their own child would be wildly different, of course. In other relationships, a family wasn't something she needed to have. With Maris, she could think of little else that she wanted more. They didn't need children, but they wanted them. God, did they want them.

"It really does." Rory frowned a bit, twisting her lips together as she looked down at the mostly blank pad in front of them.

"Right, that really does work in our favor." Check one thing off for her father, she supposed - his half Jewish heritage hadn't really been handed down to Rory, but it made her happy that they would teach their children a lot of the important traditions, thanks to Maris and her family.

Rory tried to think about what else her mother had told her of their heritage as well. "We've got a bit of Scottish, too. But I don't think that's entirely important?" Their kids would learn Italian from Rory, whatever she remembered, but she'd never known much about her Scottish history. She figured most of her dna could be chalked up to "mutt", or the human equivalent.

Maris' comment earned a soft smile from her wife. Rory tugged her a little bit by the fabric of her shirt, pulling her into her arms and leaning over to kiss her cheek.

"And I want a little you." It thrilled Rory that their first would actually be a lot of Maris. She hoped he would have his mother's sharp wit and deep, soulful eyes.

"I think ... well, maybe at maximum half Italian? I don't want our little guy to come out wearing gold chains with slicked back hair and calling us 'che bellas' with his little fingers and thumb together in the quintessential Italian hand sign."

"Oh,I love you, Rory, but there's no way in hell I'm birthing a guido," Maris teased.

Now finished her wine, Maris sat back in her chair, idly tracing the stem of her glass as she tried to think of any boxes they absolutely needed to tick, a nagging voice in the back of her mind whispering this might be easier if she knew anything about her mom's side of the family.

Then again why should she worry about incorporating her mother into their baby's life when she hadn't been a part of hers?

Maris ran a hand through her hair, sighing a little. "Maybe we can't make a list for this. It's like choosing anything else, we kinda just have to see what our options are?"

They were kind of at the mercy of whatever guy decided to be a donor.

"And we don't have to rush, Rory. We might even be better off if we wait until I'm on the shots for a while so they have a chance to work."

She nibbled her lip a little. "Speaking of, should we..."

Rory burst into laughter at the very idea of their producing a guido, her giggles taking control of her until she held onto her side and let them subside. "Ah, no. We will not."

Rory finished her own wine, but similarly felt stumped by the way they were going to find someone that was perfect. She knew a lot of couples who found donors that they knew, bur Rory thought that had to be such a crapshoot. And she would worry about someone feeling ... ownership in a way, over part of their family. No, their children would be theirs, and she'd rather not think about their donor more than they absolutely had to.

"I think that makes a lot of sense. I think it will be something we'll be able to figure out once we know what we're actually looking at in their files or whatever." She frowned a little as she didn't know the right word, but that was something they'd deal with later. They had a potentially long way to go, anyway.

The time really was upon them. Rory felt a little jolt in her chest as she nodded. "Let's do it. It'll get easier after the first one, right?" She smiled softly and leaned over to kiss her wife. For the moment she meant it to be quick, but she slipped her arm around Maris' waist and kissed her deeply, feeling overwhelmed by the love she had for her wife.

As she pulled away, she gazed at her wife for a moment and then kissed her one more time, playful and quick. "C'mon, let's go play doctor." Rory snorted at her own terrible joke, but hoped it would at least help her wife feel a little more at ease.

For about five seconds, Maris had considered using Eli as a donor. It made sense. He was her best friend. She trusted him. She knew his family and his medical history.

She knew he wasn't an asshole.

Maris knew he'd do it but it was also a lot to ask of someone and something that would subtly change their relationship. She thought about the fact that he would be a part of their kid's lives either way as an uncle figure that maybe it would be better to have someone to point to, someone the kids had always known when they started asking questions but... that seemed equally scary. She wondered if their kids would pull away from them if they had another parent (if only biological) to go to.

Besides, she knew he wanted a family of his own some day, a family she'd inevitably see. Eli's kids wouldn't just be his kids, they'd be Jane and Keats' siblings and that seemed like exactly the sort of complication they wanted to avoid.

Even if she knew her best friend would never use it as something to hold over her head, Maris would never be able to shake the feeling she owed him something.

How could you repay someone for giving you your children?

It would have been kinda funny though.

Ramona's dream would have come true, just not in the way she expected.

No, a stranger was best. But it came with it's own set of even more numerous worries.

Rory's joke fell a little flat, but Maris managed a smile, her stomach tightening a little as she remembered just where this shot was supposed to go.

"The pamphlet said to stick me in the stomach or thigh so... thigh, please? Something about a needle in the stomach gives me the heebie jeebies."

Maris knew it wouldn't be an option if it wasn't safe. She'd even seen the needles they were going to use. They were thin, tiny. She probably wouldn't even feel it. They certainly weren't gonna puncture anything, but the stomach just seemed like a... sensitive spot.

She waited for Rory to get what they needed, leaning against the doorframe in the kitchen as she watched her fetch it out of the fridge.

"Our room?" she offered. She unbuttoned her top a little more as they walked, nerves making her a little warm. She sighed a little before starting to unbutton her top in earnest. It had been a long day. She wanted out of her work clothes and she'd have to strip down to at least her underwear for Rory to give her a shot anyway.

She came to a stop with a few buttons on her blouse to go, her gaze soft as she looked up at her wife.

"Put it down and come here," she said softly. She wanted Rory to undress her. She wanted to help them both calm down.

She wanted this very important moment to be intimate. Not clinical.

There were just a lot of variables that they would have to deal with, one after another, as their hopes and dreams became a reality. But Rory knew that it would be worth it. Even if they disagreed on donors or criteria, even if they had moments of struggle and pain, it would all be worth it.

Rory knew too, that no matter what was coming their way, it would only serve to bring them together. With her wife by her side, Rory always felt invincible. It was just a fact of how they were, and all they've been through. They were the best kind of team they could be.

Funnily enough, Eli had crossed Rory's mind as well, but she hadn't brought it up to her wife. As soon as the thought went through her mind, she realized that might be too close, too familiar.

"Good, I was kind of hoping you would say thigh. I think rabies shots go in the stomach? Negative connotations and all of that." She said with a wrinkle of her nose, trying to remain calm, collected.

Rory just nodded when Maris asked if they should do it in their room, following along. She somehow managed to keep her hands from shaking as she got their kit together, re-reading the instructions to make sure she was getting the right amount, the right procedure in her head.

She had been so focused on what she was doing that when she glanced over at her wife, she hadn't realized her state of undress. It earned an immediate soft smile from her, as she put down the kit and moved over to her wife.

They were about to start the process to make a family. That in itself was worth a celebration. She knew what her wife was doing, and as she leaned over to kiss her, she murmured a soft "Thank you" against her lips.

Maris was excellent at getting her out of her head. She always had been. As she kissed her deeply, her fingers slowly began to finish up unbuttoning Maris' blouse. She sighed softly into her lips as she brushed her fingers over Maris' bare skin, that familiar thrum of love and desire mingling together as she pushed the blouses off of Maris' shoulders.

Maris knew Rory was nervous, but she also knew they just had to get this out of the way. They'd know what to do when they had to give her a shot next month. They'd probably become pros if they had a few attempts that didn't take.

They'd really know what to do when it was Rory's turn to get them. In a way, she was glad she was the guinea pig. She'd be able to ease some of Rory's fears and tell her what to expect, but Maris knew she'd also have some fears of her own. She wouldn't wanna stick her wife with even a tiny needle, even if she would be just as thorough about making sure she wasn't about to hurt her and that she knew what she was doing.

She'd be nervous about Rory going through pregnancy. It was the most natural thing in the world, but that didn't mean there weren't things that could go wrong.

Her eyes fluttered shut as they kissed, her body automatically shifting to help Rory get her out of her top. The kiss didn't break until it needed to with Maris slightly breathless as she pushed off Rory's jacket then tugged her shirt over her head.

She didn't want Rory to reach for the shot any time soon. And yeah, she knew it wasn't about to do anything besides make her body more receptive to pregnancy. There would be no babies until they picked a donor and Maris had to go through the procedure she was most scared of and really didn't want to think about but... why couldn't they enjoy the process like everyone else?

She may not have gotten a double dose of hormones yet but Maris felt soft, emotional.

She wanted to make love.

She wanted to make a baby.

Even if their process was a little different than everyone else's.

"Let's make a baby..." she murmured. Her cheeks warmed a little once she said it out loud. It felt a little silly.

Of course they couldn't.

Yet they kind of were.

Maris unhooked her bra, a silent signal for her wife to keep going and to go a little further. She laid back on their bed, another wordless, small signal as she took her wife's hands to gently pull her closer.

Maris wasn't about to worry about being in control tonight either.

Doing the thing would actually take the power away from how scary it was. Rory knew that, it was just getting over the hump. She wasn't even squeamish about needles or blood, but it was more the idea that she'd be actively hurting her wife -- which... she realized was ridiculous because the needle wasn't even going to hurt badly at all.

The other part of this was that they had built up expectations, even if part of her mind knew that they were logical about the probability of this working on their first attempt a little ways down the road. Rory was a bit of a perfectionist, and she could be hardest on herself. She just wanted to make sure that she was doing everything right on her end.

Thank god for this woman. Thank god for her lips and her body and the ease with which she drew her out of her head and into her body. With her jacket and shirt gone, she felt more at ease, as though every stitch of clothing gone between them was bringing them more into themselves.

The idea was not lost on her, that this was exactly what she wanted. She might not be able to give her wife a baby just with the two of them, but by god she wanted to feel as though this moment came out of their love.

She kissed her wife with breathless abandon, her hands sliding over her body, pulling her in closer. As Maris unclasped her bra, Rory tugged it off of her wife and tossed it aside.

"Our baby." Rory agreed, a smile on her face as she kissed her wife's burning cheek. Silly as it might feel to say it, it also felt good. Really good.

She knew exactly how she wanted to make love to her wife, but Rory wanted to take her time. There was no rushing this. And Rory was already reveling in being more in control, the way Maris offered herself to her.

Her hands only left Maris' body to unclasp her own bra and toss it aside, lowering herself to kiss her lips, and then down her neck. Her hands slid over her wife's hips, gripping them tightly just as she kissed Maris' breasts, one then the other. Her mouth closed over one of her nipples, moaning softly as she dragged her tongue over it.

They both knew how hard it was for her to give up control, but maybe it was a good thing Maris was starting now. So much of this process would be out of her hands.

It would drive her crazy, but she didn't have a choice once she made this one.

She was having a baby. Their baby and when she looked back on the moment where it came to be she didn't want to think of some cold exam room in a paper gown with her legs in stirrups.

Would they let Rory in with her?

She thought so, but she had no idea. Did she want Rory in there with her? Something about the insemination process seemed so dehumanizing.

All of that, even the needle waiting on the top of their dresser drifted further and further from Maris' mind as their clothes fell away. There was something tender, but hungry about their kisses. Maris arched up a little as Rory's mouth found her breast, her hand automatically sliding up to cup the back of her wife's neck then slowly tangle in her hair with a soft mmm of encouragement. It eventually slipped out and back down her neck again, both palms sliding down her bare back as she watched her move above her, legs falling open a little more so she could settle more snugly between them.

She suddenly felt very grateful that she'd had them move to their bedroom and then their bed.

A moment like this was supposed to happen here.

Throughout their relationship, Rory had come to love the way that she and her wife balanced each other out. They were able to find middle ground even when they might disagree, both stubborn in their own ways, but both also knowing that their relationship and each other were more important. This felt a lot like that. She knew that even if this was really hard, she and Maris would prioritize each other.

This was an important part of their story. It was as important as their wedding had been, as important as the day that their eyes connected in a coffee shop. As important as a kiss shared while watching Gentleman Jack. It was as important as a trivia night that led to a rainstorm that led to their first rain-soaked kiss.

Starting this process was a huge moment, and it could put a lot of pressure on the both of them. But when Rory thought about it in the context of the rest of their big moments so far, it just felt like it fit.

That's part of what kissing her wife had done. Her mind slowed down, focused solely on the woman she loved with every fiber of her being.

Rory's focus shifted to pleasing her wife, her whole mind filled with the sensory overload of touching her, kissing her, feeling the way that Maris grabbed for her. Her own soft moan of encouragement sounded against Maris' breasts, the slight tangle of her fingers in her hair as encouraging as anything else. Her mouth came away with a soft pop of sound, before she repeated the same pattern with the other one. All the while, she worked to ridding Maris of her belt and her slacks, pushing them down her legs along with her underwear and moving with them, kissing down her stomach.

"Fuck, you're so beautiful." Rory murmured into her hip where her lips just happened to be, the words murmured with such sincerity that it was as though she had noticed just how beautiful her wife was for the first tie all over again. As she let her teeth graze over her wife's hip, her hand moved between Maris' thighs and she began to gently rub her fingers along her pussy, moaning as she began to move back up to steal another kiss from her wife.

A soft, breathy sound spilled from her lips as she was touched. Maris knew sex with her wife would never be boring, but she had the same worries most people did about bringing a baby into the picture. Trying for a baby could get tedious. They had to worry about ovulation days and rushing to make sure they tried on the right day more than any other couple. It stood to reason this could feel like a chore, especially since trying for a baby meant needles and doctor's appointments and not just going at it around the clock hoping it would stick. She could sound like a robot if she went all in on this whole baby thing. She could become the sort of woman she hated, the kind who never shut up about motherhood and everything that came with it, the sort of person who couldn't hold a conversation that wasn't about babies or how to get them.

Would Rory still want her when she was pregnant, her body strange and swollen and probably never quite the same? Would they even have time for this when their baby was actually here?

Sex was important to Maris and physicality was one of the strongest ways she connected to her wife. She was undeniably better these days, but she wasn't really great at expressing herself with words.

But when she and Rory were intimate she usually got her point across.

Parents could be boring. As harsh as it sounded babies could pull apart as many couples as they brought together, but Maris was slightly taken aback by how much all of this was turning her on.

It was intense. It was important. Sacred, really. It was something she'd never done with anyone else.

She was audibly wet, Rory's fingers sliding along her pussy with a faint swish that caused her teeth to sink into her lower lip somewhat sheepishly because she knew Rory was bound to notice it too.

Even if she was gripping her wife tightly, craving her as close as humanly possible, she eventually loosened up a bit to give herself enough space to start peeling off her clothes too. She hands slid their way down her body once she was finished, lingering on, then caressing her ass a bit before her hand slipped between her legs too.

Their eyes met so she could do more than just see her reaction. She wanted to try and match her pace, her hand mirroring her wife's exactly.

It was shared pleasure experienced at the exact same time and in the exact same way with Maris letting out a little sigh like she was coming home, like part of her couldn't fully enjoy being touched unless she was touching her too.

She was never going to be truly passive.

"You really mean it?" she whispered, her voice breathy as she cupped her wife's cheek with her free hand.

Rory would never get over the thrill that raced through her whole body when her wife made those sounds. Things would change when they became parents. That was natural, to be expected. But Rory knew that there was no scenario, no change or shift that would make her desire her wife any less. She may have already done a middle of the night google search just asking what was normal time not to have sex after giving birth. To be respectful of her wife, yes, but she knew already that watching her wife go through all they were about to embark on, and down the road child birth, she'd be so overwhelmed with love for her.

They were physical beings, always had been, from the very beginning of their relationship, Rory felt loved when Maris held her, when she kissed her, when they fucked each other breathless. As gooey as the words were, their fucking was the truest form of making love. Their love put into action.

When Rory pictured their future as parents, there were so many scenarios that ran through her mind. She could see them figuring out how to deal with a baby, reading their favorite poems and books to their littlest baby to fill his or her head with the right kind of literary minds. She could see their holidays and birthdays going all out. Getting involved with their schools of course would be important. She could see embarrassing them in that good-natured way when they got to be teenagers, and yet having really deep and meaningful conversations as their kids got older. Not to fully play out their future, but Rory couldn't help but field glimpses in her mind.

It all started here, and that made Rory downright giddy. As her fingers slid over her wife's pussy, she grinned up at her, overcome with want, with joy, with love.

"Of course I mean it." Rory purred, her voice deeper than usual, but entirely sincere. As she began to roll her fingers to create a gentle but steady rhythm, Rory move her way back up her wife's body and kissed her lips. "You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

The sentiment could lean towards the saccharine, but Rory felt it so fiercely in the very core of her being. Her wife was everything to her, the person she desired constantly, and good god was she beautiful.

"Hang on." She murmured against her lips, kissing her again and giving another pass of her hand to rub against her before she stood up. Rory moved as quickly as she could, ridding herself of the rest of her clothes and tossing them aside. Her hair was all over the place but she didn't care, barely took time to brush it out of her face in order to slide her body on top of her wife's. Her thigh came up in between her wife's, taking the space of her hand as she pressed it against her pussy. She knew exactly what she wanted, what they both needed, but she wanted to take her sweet time to savor every moment of getting there.

Saccharine or not, Rory's reassurances were exactly what Maris needed to hear. She knew they weren't just an attempt to soothe her. Maris may have held things back, even lied when she essentially pushed Rory away from her during their first break up, but they had never done it since.

Their slate was clean this second time around. She felt beautiful, desired, wanted in the way her wife looked at her, but it was nothing compared to how intensely she felt it in her touch, the way her wife took control of her as she settled between her thighs.

Her pulse quickened, her chest rising and falling a little faster as she lifted her hips to rock against Rory's thigh. There was something a little showy about the way she did it because she felt Rory's gaze on her like a warm spotlight, but the gasps and soft moans spilling from her lips were anything but performative.

"You feel so good," she cooed, nails lightly grazing Rory's back as her head started to spin. "Mm, press harder? Fuck, you won't hurt me..."

Eventually it wasn't enough. Maris craved more intimate contact, the sort she knew would have her wife moaning too.

"No, like this," she said, gripping Rory's hips and shifting to try and pull the lower half of her body between her legs so their pussies could brush. It wasn't Maris' normal tone, one of her signature demands, cool, quiet and firm because she knew it would be followed.

It was a whine. She needed her wife closer than ever tonight. And she wasn't too proud to beg for it.

Rory had gone those years in the "dark times" without Maris. She knew how unfulfilled and miserable her life was without this woman. When she came back into her life, she knew she would never be without her. If it was possible, the second time around made Rory love Maris more. She desired her more (how the hell was THAT able to be topped?), she found her more beautiful and more alluring than even before. That only got more intense with time, more in the depth of her very bones after their marriage, their move, and now.

Now, Rory was overwhelmed with how much she wanted her. It felt charged in a way she couldn't reckon with other than to just lean into it.

Rory was taking everything Maris spoke as gospel. Her demands were met with immediate movements, Rory pressed her thigh harder into her pussy, moaning softly as she felt her skin getting wetter by the second. She kissed her skin, tasting the salt on her skin, reveling in every single moan that was offered into the space of their bedroom.

"You read my mind." Rory flashed a wolfish grin, a soft moan of her own as she moved seamlessly with her wife. She would have liked to keep control, but she let Maris assert her own dominance by pulling her exactly where she wanted to go, too. "Fuck," She gasped as their pussies brushed together, a jolt racing up her spine as she lowered herself further, putting more pressure where they both needed it.

"That's my girl," She purred at her wife, bending over her and hooking her fingers under her wife's chin. She brushed their lips together as she started to rock, whining softly as her teeth sunk gently into her wife's lip for a tug. "You feel so goddamn good, baby. Tell me what you want." Her voice took on a slightly darker, slightly more demanding than before. Even as she spoke, her hips began to rock harder, building pressure as she angled herself just so.

What did she want?

It was kind of a loaded question.

She really did want to make a baby. But she wanted it to be easier.

She wanted Rory to spill inside her and have that be the end of it. Somehow, they'd magically make a baby that was theirs, equal parts her and her wife born out of love and desire. There wouldn't be any needles or doctors or constantly tracking her period and ovulation when she hadn't gave a second thought to any of that stuff before. She wouldn't need to have a procedure that made her feel like breeding stock or a cow or...

She wouldn't need to think about men or where she came from or if she wanted their baby to be anything like her mother or not.

Okay maybe it wasn't that simple for everyone. Everyone had their challenges and hang ups but this part could be so easy. Being with Rory was easy so why couldn't getting pregnant be the same?

Maris life had been fairly simple. She'd never really dealt with much strife over being a lesbian. She'd never really been teased or discriminated against. Her family accepted her. She'd had a few women choose men over her, but she'd taken it in stride, her ego more bruised than her heart. She'd never been all that into them anyway. She'd never really wanted or pined over anyone but Rory.

She'd never wished she was straight, the way she knew some queer people did, if only to make their lives a little easier. Being with women felt natural. She'd barely even had to think about or come to terms with it. She'd always been so comfortable in her own skin. Proud and confident, even.

She still was.

She'd just never wished things could be even slightly different before. For the first time in her life, things seemed a little more complicated because she was a lesbian. She knew that meant she had been lucky in so many other areas even compared to other gay people but it still felt strange.

She felt slightly less carefree and maybe even a little more bitter than she'd been before they started this process. But wasn't opening your eyes part of growing up?

And mature as Maris was and had always been, even she had a bit of growing up to do before and after she became a mother.

But the more their bodies worked and crashed together the harder it was to think or even worry.

She couldn't even speak.

She gasped, sighed and cried out for her wife, her words running together in a sort of breathless plea. "Just come inside me, fuck!"

Her orgasm was intense, her nails digging into Rory's lower back in earnest as she felt herself pulse against her. She clutched at her, keeping and needing her close as she kept bucking her hips in an effort to bring Rory over the edge too.

She was still trembling and slightly breathless as she pressed her lips to Rory's ear to make another request. "Do it now? While I'm still... I don't want it to be... I don't know, scary. It should be a.... good thing."

The needle was tiny, but Maris still didn't want to feel it and this seemed...right. She didn't want to make a big deal out of this, but if they had to do it, this seemed like the best way to go about it. They were both euphoric and she didn't want Rory to get nervous either. Even if she really didn't want her to have to leave her on the bed for a moment.

It was a good thing, overall, having a kind of affirming family and support system when she was younger and coming out. It was a good thing that Rory's father was gone by the time she realized she was a lesbian. Everything she did know about him, he would have been an absolute asshole about it. But her mother had been wonderful, and her grandmother even more so. Her grandfather just wanted out of the conversation with a muttered "As long as you're happy" in barely discernible Italian.

Rory didn't have any formative heartbreak, no great love that went into the "puppy" category. She was busy, and loved her independence, and was too wily and experimental with the women she dated. It was only Maris, who came in like a comet that shifted everything. Now they were married, and in this very moment, she believed they could make a baby.

This wasn't even that step, but that didn't stop her from feeling it. She rocked her hips harder, fucking her wife with every sensual, deliberate rock of their bodies together. The sound of their bodies moving together was enough to give her a heady feeling on top of the pleasure that rocketed through her body. "That's it honey," She cooed again, her voice gravelly and breathless as she bucked harder, meeting every thrust of Maris' hips.

She did exactly as she was told, her orgasm intense as she came in a way that made her really feel like she was coming inside of her wife. She felt Maris' orgasm along with her own, her breathing ragged as she gazed down at her.

Rory just nodded, feeling a lump in her throat as she pressed a kiss to Maris' neck, and then her shoulder. She was quiet for a moment until she was sure that her legs would actually work. "Yes, love." She purred against her ear before she stood up, making her way quickly to their dresser to pick up the prepared syringe.

She moved cautiously back to her wife, sliding her free hand over Maris' thigh, then up over her hip. It felt important, this moment. Her gaze caught Maris', looking at her and again was struck that she was the most beautiful person she'd ever seen. "Okay," She said, removing the cap from the tiny needle and kneading the spot on her wife's thigh with her hand.

Rory had to tear her gaze away, just to make sure she didn't entirely botch it. She made quick work of it, firmly but gently jabbing the needle through her wife's skin and plunging the liquid into her. Once she was done she pulled it back and put the cap back on the needle to dispose of.

Her thumb pressed into the injection spot gently, as she leaned over and kissed her wife's thigh just next to it. "You okay?" Rory asked softly, gazing back up at her wife.

Maris heart thudded as Rory left their bed. Her soft gaze soothed her somewhat, but even that and the adrenaline from their lovemaking did little to curb the unpleasant, anxious sort that was flooding through her now that it was go time.

Getting her Covid shot had kind of reminded her that needles weren't quite as bad as she remembered them being as a kid and a place like her thigh had a lot of cushion. She'd feel a little pinch if anything but there were still the other worries about what this shot would do once it kicked in.

She hated being sick because she hated being fussed over. This already felt like being fussed over, undue worry for not just her but for her wife. Maris kind of liked being the center of attention. Except in situations like this.

Pregnancy was going to be a hell of a ride.

She quickly looked away, laser focusing on the nearest wall when Rory took off the cap, not wanting to see the needle go into her thigh.

She felt the tiniest poke and pinch, but she'd been right. With her orgasm not quite out of her system just yet, it hardly registered. She turned back only when she felt Rory's weight leave the bed, a sign that the needle was gone.

"Yeah. I barely felt anything," she said, her tone just as soft as her wife as she pulled her between her thighs then upward, gently cupping her face.

"You did so good," she breathed, pressing a soft kiss to her wife's forehead.

"Are you alright?" she countered, thumb slowly tracing her cheekbone. Maris could see the emotion on her wife's face just as clearly as she could hear it in her voice. It was obvious that Maris was experiencing some new, hard to describe feelings too, but it was over now and all she wanted to do was pull her wife as close as she possibly could, silently saying see? it's just you and me now. everything's normal again.

But if things went according to plan it wouldn't be just the two of them anymore. Everything seemed an inch from changing.

And that could be a little scary too.

Rory had built this up so much in her head that she was afraid in the moment she might choke. She was afraid that she might not be able to actually inject her when the moment came. But it actually was easier than she'd made it out to be in her head.

It was done, and Rory felt ... well she felt a lot of things, but overwhelmed with a kind of emotion she hadn't anticipated. They were really doing this. Starting their whole journey of becoming parents.

Rory hadn't really been the kind of kid to play with dolls obsessively when she was little - she did, for a little while, and got actually obsessed with the american girl dolls - but it was more the little companion books than playing with the dolls themselves. Still, she had a bit of that nurturing gene, the one that made her crave taking care of her very independent wife. The one that made her insides pang when she played with her niece and nephew. The one that right now felt entirely wrapped up in her wife and the future they were beginning to build with a single injection.

"Thank god." Rory breathed in relief, glad that she hadn't actually hurt her wife. Her whole chest bloomed with warmth at Maris' praise, biting back the emotion rising in her throat.

"I feel... amazing." Rory laughed softly, bowing her head against Maris' chest and pressing a kiss there before raising her gaze to look at her. "Big adrenaline rush ... and then different adrenaline rush right after." She smirked, kissing Maris' lips. "Your timing was perfect." It helped take Rory out of her head, too.

Her gaze was soft as she looked at her wife, her gaze heavy with absolute adoration. "I love you so much, you know that?"

_{the next morning}

"I love you," she echoed softly, her fingers idly tracing every inch of her wife's body. She already had it memorized, but it seemed important to take a mental snapshot of this moment specifically.

After a long first day back at work, some intense sex and the stress of getting her shot. Maris was tired. Anxiety over what was to come aside, she knew she'd sleep fairly well tonight, especially with her wife looking at her the way she was. Rory looked excited. Like she loved her. Like everything was going to be okay.

"We'll go check things out this weekend?" she offered sleepily. Things meaning donors, but she didn't even want to mention them. This was their moment. Meant for no one but the two of them.

Maris woke up before her alarm with a desperate need to pee.

She stayed in bed for a moment, wondering if she could wait it out. She was warm, still groggy and she didn't want to wake her wife. But after a bit of shifting to find a more comfortable position, she realized it was no use. She had to go.

Getting up was easier said than done. Her head swam as she sat up and swung her legs over the bed. At first she thought nothing of it. Some days you were a little unsteady as you got out of bed. She took a deep breath, figuring she just needed an extra second to wake up and find her bearings.

But she was downright dizzy when she finally stood, holding on to the edge of a bookcase as she tried to shrug on her robe.

Their house was chilly in the mornings and she wasn't about to take the short trek to the bathroom naked.

Maris tried to stay calm. She knew that it was the shot. She knew that dizziness was an option, but she had sort of held out hope that she wouldn't be dealing with anything at all come morning.

She took her time, but was distracted and uncharacteristically uncoordinated she still tripped over her blouse on her way out of the room.

The more she woke up, the more she realized she was just off. Nerves meant she hadn't eaten much the night before. In theory she should be starving, but her stomach felt full and uncomfortably tight.

She splashed some water on her face once she flushed the toilet and washed her hands, gripping the sink a little to try and catch her breath. She was sweaty, maybe a little pale, but otherwise she didn't see much of a difference.

This was fine. She was going to have to get used to this if it was going to become a regular thing. Maris had already made up her mind that pregnancy (even the process of getting there) wasn't going to interfere with her work.

She wasn't going to call out because she could hardly call out every time Rory gave her one of those things.

So why did she want to?

She looked up, slightly startled when she saw Rory standing in the doorway. She'd been struggling so much to get to the bathroom, shutting the door had seemed like a waste of time and energy.

"Let's stay home," she said softly, the words spilling out of her mouth before she could stop them.

Things were already changing. Rory knew Maris was determined to get on as usual with this whole pregnancy thing. She knew she liked to be left alone to suffer when she was sick. She normally would have hated the idea of her wife staying home from work because of her.

But she didn't want to be alone.

Or lose the closeness and warmth that had settled between them last night.

Maris wanted and maybe even needed her wife today.

Rory felt like she was glowing as they fell asleep. Her whole body buzzing not just from the intense shared orgasm, but from everything that came after it. They were really doing this, starting on this journey of building their family. It was unreal, to think they were actually on their way.

She didn’t remember what she dreamed about, as she began to stir awake, only vaguely aware that the weight in the bed was shifting and she was suddenly a little colder without her wife. Whatever she had been dreaming about however, was pleasant. The more she tried to remember, the less she held onto it, but she woke up with a soft smile on her face.

That was of course until she noticed her wife was gone, and she eventually dragged herself up from the warmth of their bed, too. As she neared the bathroom, she felt a rise in concern in her gut.

“Sorry,” She said when she startled Maris, her voice still rough with sleep as she leaned onto the door frame, watching her wife.

She’d read about this, of course she had. She knew that there would be changes and side effects from the boost in hormones, but it was difference to reading about it and actually seeing the love of her life deal with it. It put her immediately into nurture mode, even though Rory knew that Maris didn’t like to be fussed over.

Even when Maris was sick, Rory practically had to sneak around like a ninja to bring her water, soup, tissues - trying to make it seem like the things she needed just appeared as if by themselves.

The fact that her wife was asking for her help in so many words made Rory nod immediately. She felt a little soft, but overwhelmingly worried about how this was affecting her.

“Of course, love.” She said quietly, stepping into the bathroom and sliding her hand along her wife’s back, leaning over and kissing her cheek. “Do you want to get back in bed? I’ll call in for us.”

She imagined what must be going through Maris’ head, and while Rory wasn’t going to hover or fuss, she was damn well going to take care of her wife. She thought in the moment though, that it spoke volumes that Maris was even willing to stay home, that she wanted Rory to stay with her.

“C’mon, I’ll make you some toast if you can stomach it?”

Maris had soldiered on at work when she was sick before. As long as she wasn't contagious, she went, working through her migraines or weird stomach bugs, but she wasn't sure she could just try and stay seated at her desk and ply her students with busy work this time.

She wasn't that sort of teacher. She'd have to stand up eventually and considering she felt like she barely could...

Besides, the other side effects worried her. She did not want to get nauseous in front of a room full of high schoolers.

But she probably wouldn't be able to talk herself out of feeling guilty for asking Rory to stay home too.

She felt vaguely pathetic, clingy even, but this was new. Maris had no idea if a stomachache and wooziness was as bad as it was going to get. It was probably best that this first day wasn't one she muddled through alone. Rory should keep an eye on her just in case.

Hopefully they'd know what to expect (and be feeling a little bit better in so many ways) this time next month.

Besides, she knew her wife would probably just keep calling every five minutes if she made her go in anyway.

And she loved her for it.

"Don't tell them why," Maris said, quick and slightly sharp. She didn't want anyone to know they were trying to get pregnant. People had opinions once they knew you were. Suggestions and advice and Maris was firm in her conviction that this was going to be their baby with as few people butting in as possible.

This was their business.

But there was another, slightly more personal reason why Maris didn't want anyone to know she was trying to conceive.

She didn't want anyone to ask a million questions, especially if it didn't take. She knew that if this did take a while, people would begin to pity her, start whispering about how sad it was if she couldn't manage it.

She really didn't want that.

She raked a hand through her hair. "Food poisoning or something? I don't know just... come to bed when you're done? I'm not very hungry. I think I just want to lay down."

Rory similarly hated being sick. She knew the importance of self care and slowing down enough to check in on herself. But Rory didn't like calling out sick, she didn't like feeling run down when she often had a million things going on on any given day.

As much as she hated being sick, Rory's concern went double-time for her wife. It was natural to her, the way she loved Maris, that she would take great care of her, always. It was in the very essence of their vows.

But this was a different kind of sick. It was a kind of sick that Maris was doing for them. For their family. Rory didn't think that her wife being sick could make her love her more, but it did. Her whole body was burning with it, feeling so overwhelmed with how much she loved this woman for all that she was, and all that she was doing for them.

"Of course, honey." The most affectionate term of theirs came out without thought, as she watched her wife a moment longer before heading over to grab her phone. She made the call, quickly, calling in and saying both she and Maris needed substitutes for the day. "Bit of a stomach bug going around, better to be safe than sorry." She said by way of explanation - not that she particularly felt the need to explain at all.

As she walked back into their bedroom, she slid right back into bed with her wife, gingerly brushing her fingers through Maris' hair. "I gotta say, as much as I hate that you're feeling bad, I love a day spent alone with you."

While Rory was on the phone, Maris slowly made her way back to bed.

Feeling warm and sweaty, she slipped out of her robe and climbed under the covers. It was a move that didn't help her feel any cooler, but there was just something comforting about burrowing under blankets when you were feeling poorly.

"Did they give you a hard time?" she asked. There was a bit of annoyance in her voice, a sign she was prepared to go on a full on rant if they gave her wife any trouble. Maris (and Rory) had been really good about not calling out last year, something she suspected helped them land their new promotions.

But it was very early in the school year and they were probably going to be held to higher standards now that they had more responsibility.

Guilt started to settle in the pit of her stomach again, but there really wasn't much room for it. God, her stomach felt tight. Like cramps, really. Which was ironic considering she was kind of taking this stuff to avoid periods. Or she would.

God, she hoped it worked. She did not want to miss work, feel like crap and be fussed over for nothing.

"Maybe it'll pass," she murmured, nuzzling, then kissing Rory's palm as her wife finger combed her hair.

She did feel a lot better now that she was laying down. Maybe she just needed a bit of rest. Stomachaches were pretty manageable, not ideal but something she could probably try and fix with some medicine or at least push to the back of her mind. Her dizziness was the real problem, but if that faded they might even be able to do something and make the most out of their day off today.


She reached out, lacing their fingers and idly toying with their hands for a few moments. This was nice.

"Last night was fun," she said softly, meeting her wife's eyes.

Fun wasn't the right word. Last night had been intense. Different. She felt closer having gone through it and didn't regret a single second of it even if that shot was really wreaking havoc right now.

Of course Maris' word choice downplayed it a little, but her gaze was soft and she knew Rory knew exactly what she meant.

As concerned as she was for her wife, Rory meant what she said that it was really nice to have an extra day with just them. Particularly in their bed.

"No, it was fine." Rory chuckled softly, brushing her nose against her wife's neck and nuzzling in herself a little closer. "They might have a moment of looking down their very British noses at us later, but the girl on the phone was nice about it." Of course, it was the school secretary who Rory had bonded over a love of Austen with. She'd given her a list of the best places in Bath to visit, which she hoped could be on the agenda soon.

Rory nodded, continuing to gently slide her fingers through Maris' hair, massaging her head with feather-light touches so as not to grate on her nerves or pain any. "I'm sure it will." She agreed, smiling softly at the way Maris nuzzled into her.

Again, Rory felt overwhelmed with how much she loved her wife. That she was so willing and ready to do this with her, for her and them and the family they so dearly wanted. She thought there wasn't any way she could love her wife any more than she already did. This proved that that was infinite.

Rory's gaze went down to their hands, seeing her wife's ring on her hand always made her heart flutter a little bit. Even now. Even after a year. She was feeling insanely soft for her wife, noticing every little thing.

"Last night was very fun." She grinned, leaning in and just softly kissing her lips. "I mean you're always fucking amazing but ... it felt special." She propped her head in the palm of her other hand so she could get a better look at her wife. "Now I feel like the incentive-slash-reward for sticking you with the needle has to be a mind blowing orgasm every time."

"I barely felt anything," she assured her, feeling the need to make sure Rory knew she'd done fine on the injection front.

Maris was definitely feeling something now, but that was the shot's fault, not Rory's.

She held onto hope that things would level out soon and that next time might be a little better.

The two of them didn't say much for a while, content and (at least on Maris' end) not sure what to say. Soft kisses and even softer touches seemed to fill in the blanks.

After a while, Maris was pretty sure her dizziness had subsided and slowly sat herself up. Once that seemed alright, she stood, givng her wife a look that said let me do it before making her way to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Letting herself get dehydrated wasn't gonna have her feeling better any faster.

She still felt off. Foggy and sluggish like she was battling a cold but it seemed manageable.

She caught a glimpse of herself in the bedroom mirror once she returned to Rory. She looked slightly flushed and visibly sweaty. Her hair, especially the bits that brushed her face seemed sweaty too, even though she'd washed her hair the day before. She made a bit of a face as she automatically started to try and smooth it down to make herself look a little more presentable. It wasn't working. She kind of felt and felt like she looked gross.

"Should I cut my hair?" she asked suddenly, turning to face her wife.

Sporting the same bob from the day they met, Maris didn't have much hair to cut. But she'd occasionally gone shorter. She'd even done the cliched post break up chop once Rory left Maine.

She hadn't exactly looked half bad with a pixie. It certainly hadn't hindered her ability to pick up women in her accompanying post break up sex spiral.

"I'm going to cut my hair," she announced, not really waiting for an answer. "Today, actually. You wanna come with me?"

"That makes me really happy, I was so nervous." Rory blushed a little, as it was always a bit of a struggle for her not to feel confident in something her very first try. The fact alone that her wife was reassuring her of that spoke volumes, and eased her mind even now.

One of Rory's very favorite things about them was that they didn't feel the need to fill every second with talking. God, that would be exhausting for anyone, much less married women who worked together, too. She was content to just lay with her wife, closing her eyes but not sleeping, kissing her softly, touching her body and gently stroking her fingers over her skin. It felt like a much needed soothing kind of day.

When Maris moved out of the bed, Rory smiled, holding up her hands in surrender at the look her wife shot her. She knew her too well. Rory pushed herself to sit up in bed while she waited for Maris to return, pulling her own ever-longer hair into a slightly neater ponytail.

"You love your hair short. I love your hair short." She agreed with a smile, looking up at Maris as she looked at herself in the mirror. Rory didn't see the sweaty or the gross. She just saw her wife, beautiful and sexy.

"Shorter?" She asked mostly rhetorically as she stepped out of the bed, moving up behind her wife and raking her fingers gently through her hair before she pressed a kiss to the side of her neck. "You'd look so hot." She smiled, brushing her fingers over her wife's hip. "Let's do it, I'm not letting you out of my sight... oh and I should probably also make sure you feel good, too."

Maris' lips twitched. Her mind was already made up, but Rory's encouragement did help her feel a little bit better about her decision.

"Good. I'm going to take a shower."

Maris normally wouldn't have bothered to wash her hair if she was just going to get it washed and cut at the salon anyway, but she felt icky thanks to all the sweating she'd been doing this morning and the night before.

She felt better when she got out, not to mention slightly cooler. The heat had even helped her stomach a little, but she still wasn't feeling very up to eating.

She'd try when they were out. Food bought someplace else was usually more appealing than something you made yourself and sometimes you didn't know how hungry you were until it was placed in front of you.

As Maris stood in front of her closet, she felt her body temperature spike again and let out a sigh. These hot flashes were going to be a problem. London was chilly this time of year, but she also didn't want to be stuck roasting in some hot old sweater she couldn't take off.

She settled for layers, a plain black blazer thrown over a tee shirt and black pants. They were the most cropped pair she owned, showing off a bit of ankle. It was too cold for shorts, but she figured the tiny bit of bare skin would help her cool down a little if she got sweaty again.

"If this is what menopause feels like I don't want it either," Maris muttered to her wife. She reached for her favorite lipstick, her hand hovering over the tube for a moment before thinking better of it. If she was sweaty, she'd probably sweat it right off and she wasn't sure she had the patience for constant reapplying today.

Maris had found a salon she liked, but having the same haircut for years meant the stylist never really had to do much for her except keep it trimmed and the right shape.

She was a little nervous her new cut might not turn out right, but she had never been too worried about getting a bad haircut. Hair grew back and Maris' had always grown back a little quicker than she'd liked.

She really did love having short hair, but the upkeep was kind of a bitch.

The salon was in a shopping center. They had looked around at a few stores and tried a few places to eat, but England still felt very new, even a year later.

Maris' spur of the moment decision meant she didn't make an appointment, but luckily it was a slow day and her usual stylist told her he could cut her hair in about an hour and that he'd text her when she was ready.

Maris laced her fingers with Rory's as they headed a few doors down to grab coffee.

Coffee could be murder on an empty stomach, but Maris was willing to risk it for the energy boost. Knowing she needed to eat, she ordered a cannoli. It wasn't a healthy breakfast, but she needed something in her stomach and figured a treat would give her more incentive to eat than something boring and sensible.

Once they got their order, Maris looked into the crowded dining room with a sigh. A small space packed with bodies was probably not the best place for her today and she felt herself heating up again.

"Come on, let's take a walk."

She took small, careful bites of her cannoli as they did. She wasn't very hungry. But she also didn't want the shell to break and send cream filling all over her fingers. She did however, sip at her iced coffee. It was helping cool her down.

Maris was especially unfamiliar with the shops at the far end of the row. She spotted a make up store, a place that sold candles, a clothing shop that looked geared toward older ladies and something that made her pause.

"Rockabuy Baby," she muttered, reading the sign aloud before letting out a little snort at the pun. The window display boasted strollers, cribs, stuffed animals, tiny little outfits and everything in between.

"Should we go in?" she asked softly, eyebrow raised.

Rory gave Maris a kiss before she was off to the shower, a grin on her face that not only was Maris clearly feeling a bit better, but they were to be off on a little adventure for the day. Of course, Rory was likely to still keep an eye on Maris and how she was feeling. She couldn’t not.

While Maris came out to get dressed, Rory slipped into the bathroom to shower herself fairly quickly, just enough to wash her hair and body and not linger like she usually did (or if she was in there with her wife). She tossed her towel-dried hair up into a ponytail, after she’d toweled off, walking out into their bedroom naked, as she usually did.

She couldn’t help but smile at the quintessential Maris outfit her wife had picked out, which felt like still the last bits of summer clung to the outfit.

“We just need to write a strongly worded letter to the universe.” Rory smiled as she pulled on underwear and a bra before pulling out a dress she had been dying to wear. It was still cool enough for the bit of warm weather, but had some definite longing for fall vibes.

They'd get plenty of autumn soon enough.

A weekday late morning was really the perfect time to wander around their new city. While still plenty busy and bustling, it was a little less so than a weekend. The shopping center was one that Rory wanted to explore a bit more of. Her fingers easily held onto her wife's as they wandered over to get coffee, an iced one for herself as well and a croissant that looked too good to pass up.

"Lead the way, babe." Rory said as she leaned over and kissed her wife's temple, a gentle intimate moment that always felt like an extension of the bubble they created around themselves.

As they wandered, Rory realized not for the first time that they had really barely even scratched the surface of their new home. There were so many little stores and shops to explore, and so many more historical places, and museums. This little strip of stores seemed to uncover a gem that... well, if she were honest, felt like a sign.

It gave her a little pang in her gut, this thrill of excitement up her spine. Maybe they could buy something here. Something they could share with their child later on like look what your mommies bought you when you were on your way. Maybe a little exaggeration, but they wanted their child.

"Yes." Rory exhaled the word with a breath, grinning as she looked down at her wife. She squeezed her hand and moved towards the door, tugging Maris inside with her before she could second guess it.

The shop was small, with a carefully curated boutique feel, but Maris was slightly taken aback by how much stuff was packed into it.

Toys, clothes and gadgets were on every available surface. Maris knew this store was probably no different than any other, filled to some degree with things that they really didn't need, but she couldn't help but feel a little panicked.

They hadn't bought anything for their baby yet. It was a conscious choice. There was no point in getting things for someone who didn't even exist yet. Maris didn't want them to jinx themselves, nor did she want some painful reminder just sitting on a shelf somewhere collecting dust if things didn't work out.

But they'd need things. Lots of things. Things that would probably spill out of the nursery and clutter up the house that she and Rory had finally settled into and mostly decorated to their liking.

It was a lot. It was going to be a lot and this cluttered store was kind of a visual reminder of that.

No matter how good she'd been at reigning herself in, even when passing cute stuffed animals or little outfits with smart looking slacks and plaid shirts with suspenders (because Maris had never quite been able to see past Keats), Maris couldn't seem to hold herself back now. This stuff seemed a lot nicer, different than what she'd seen on offer everywhere else. She decided they should buy something. Things were getting down to the wire. And they'd have to start sometime.

She grabbed a cart, if only to have a place to stick her coffee and her blazer once she shrugged it off. She tried to fan herself with her tee shirt as subtly as she could then paused, curious at some sort of contraption on display.

She had no idea what it was. It looked like an egg. The price tag told her it was a very expensive, nearly $500 egg. Maris assumed it was some kind of bougie humidifier or maybe a white noise machine for people with more money than sense when a sales associate came over and popped it open for her. Apparently it was supposed to break in two.

"We can't keep these in," she gushed, flipping one around to show Maris the back. "They're really small so you can pump pretty discreetly on the go."

Maris blinked, still not quite understanding until she noticed the sort of round, suction cup looking thing in the middle of the plastic.

"Oh," she said a bit sharply, physically taking a step back from the machine, her arms instinctively crossing over her chest as if to protect it.

"Cool," she said awkwardly.

It was the opposite of cool. The idea of breast feeding kind of freaked Maris out. This machine seemed weird and expensive and combined with her thoughts about the procedure wasn't helping her feel any less like livestock during this whole process.

She'd do it, of course. If at all possible and she supposed she'd have to figure this all out but not now. Not today.

The salesgirl seemed to sense Maris wasn't interested and backed off to let them shop. Maris leaned in to whisper to her wife as soon as she was gone.

"Five hundred dollars?!" she hissed, picking up one of the pumps like she didn't want to touch it. "Is it made of gold?!" She sat it back down like it was covered in some germ she was afraid of catching. "And why does it have to be portable? Women wear these..." Maris looked vaguely horrified, disgusted even. "I'm not doing... that out of the house. What if people see me!?"

She knew a lot of women complained about people being weird or rude when they fed on the go and feminist as she was, Maris thought their concerns were valid but as bold as she was, Maris was very modest and conducted herself a certain way in public. She couldn't see herself...

That could change, of course. She had no clue what kind of mom she would be or what she'd end up doing but the whole idea of this thing clearly had her feeling a certain kind of way.

The thing about big name stores was at least you could kind of predict what you were going to walk into. There was a certain level of organization that Rory loved, but at the same time, she loved the way little hole in the wall stores could be such hidden gems.

This place however, was a little cluttered for her taste. It was sweet, but her eyes didn’t know where to go to first. It was exactly Rory’s personality to just want to reach out and reorganize a few things, but she kept her hands to herself.

Her wife liked to tease her about how much Rory loved lists, but she already thought a mental one would be nice to have going, of things they would need. Her stomach twisted with anticipation when she thought about the things they would do to the nursery, The pictures they wanted to hang, the mural they wanted to paint. She thought about the extra furniture they’d want to get, the books they wouldn’t be able to resist buying, even though they had hundreds.

Rory’s fingers trailed over a mobile that hung over an ornate looking crib, letting it spin away from her as she touched it, little clouds and stars dancing along as it bounced along. She smiled to herself, thinking that wasn’t quite the mobile she’d want for their children, but she definitely wanted to have one.

Talk of the egg contraption earned Rory’s complete attention, her brow raising as the salesperson told them what it was for, or how it worked. It seemed… absurd, especially considering the price tag. Her hand touched to Maris’ back, rubbing her thumb along the small of her back when she crossed her arms over her chest. She was glad that the woman seemed to leave them alone, her eyes widening comically once she was gone.

“So I guess we better hope our kids get college scholarships, we’re blowing everything on their baby … tools.” She winced a little at her choice of word, but shook her head at herself. Her expression softened as Maris made her stance on breast feeding outside of the home. “I don’t know that you’ll always have that luxury, babe. I mean, there’s always bathrooms, but you’ll get full and that’s gonna hurt.” She remembered her sister talking about it a lot, like, oversharing a lot.

It also brought something else to mind, something that she’d thought of a couple of times. “I want to have plenty of skin time with them.” She said softly, almost wistfully because, well, there was some part of her that every once in a while grappled with feeling slightly inadequate, solely because being a mom to their first child meant a certain level of hoops to jump through that heterosexual couples didn’t have to deal with.

“I’ve read about moms who can actually work with lactation specialists and actually breastfeed alongside their wives but I think that just sounds… really weird.” She made a face, thinking about forcing her body into mimicking something just so she could feel more a part of their infant’s life. “But there are other ways too, just you know. Things to think about later.”

"What?! That's stupid," Maris said almost instantly. She was turned off by the idea of breastfeeding. She definitely couldn't wrap her head around the idea of Rory doing it when she didn't have to. Maris didn't want her to. It just seemed like extra work. More stress to put on their plate.

"I figured I'd do both. You know, feed some and pump some. So when it's your turn to feed the baby you just grab what's in the fridge or whatever."

Which meant Maris would have to tackle the whole pumping dilemma eventually. "It's just..." Maris trailed off, wondering if she should complain. Her teeth sank into her lower lip, trying to hold back a rant, but it was no use. Maris had never been good at biting her tongue, especially when she felt heated about something.

"They hook up cows to pumps. You've seen it, right? Those little machines they attach to suck all the milk out on the farm? That's what this reminds me of. I'm not a fucking cow," she spat almost bitterly.

How was she going to deal with this. Even after their baby was born, her body wouldn't really be hers anymore. She'd lose her autonomy, become a slave to feeding or pumping times, her body strange and swollen. Sore.

She'd heard horror stories about leaking and how even going to the bathroom hurt for a while.

God, no wonder her mother...

That was a dangerous line of thought to go down.

Maris immediately felt guilty, quickly pushing their cart away from the display.

She'd figure it out. She kind of had to.

She wasn't about to be a quitter.

The shop carried more clothes than anything else and that was fine by Maris. Clothes were cute. Clothes were safe.

She was a little quiet as she flicked through the first rack. It was a slightly pointless exercise. Nothing more than window shopping when they didn't even have a baby, let alone it's gender. Not that Maris would pay much attention to which section something came from if she thought it was cute.

"This is cute," she said, holding up a pair of boy's overalls with an orange striped shirt and Tigger's face embroidered on the front. "But I think I'm gonna insist on being one of those pretentious assholes who doesn't let their kid wear cartoons. Christ, all the girl's stuff is so pastel, no thank you.

Rory's laugh bubbled up so suddenly at Maris' assessment of the very idea of it, that she covered her mouth so as not to draw too much attention to herself. Bottle fed babies were just as well rounded as breast fed babies. Anyone who said one was better than the other was probably selling something. As long as your baby could touch your skin and fill its tummy, shouldn't that be enough? She hoped so.

The fact alone that Maris was thinking about all of this made her heart feel warm in her chest. They would make it all work when they had a little one. They would be damn good parents. They would provide everything for their baby. It made her even more excited.

"No, you are not." Rory smirked softly, leaning over and kissing her wife's temple and giving her hip a little squeeze. God help her how much she loved when her wife got on her soap box about any given topic. Rory felt like she was just sitting there cross-legged with her chin in her hands.

It really was odd, how many people were so keen on the "hands free" kind of pumping or whatever. It seemed so odd to Rory as well. She supposed some level of pumping wasn't actually avoidable, but at least have some kind of humanity to it?

"Oh I like overalls... or do we need to call them dungarees?" She laughed softly, letting her fingers run through the different clothes. "I kind of want to just say NO to pink girly stuff when we have a girl... but I also realize that I will gladly put Keats in a pink shirt." She smiled softly, distracted immediately by the little shelf next to this rack that had shoes. "But I thing gender neutral is sort of the way to go, for most of the stuff we get."

"Oh no." She gasped, reaching over for a little box that held tiny shoes inside. "I mean... not to be totally gay about it, but..." She held up one of the shoes and made a face.

"What!? No way, he's not wearing pink either. No pink, period. It's so..."

She trailed off. Maris couldn't really describe why she disliked pink so much. She just knew she always had.

Maris sense of style wasn't overly feminine. She liked simple, tailored clothing with clean lines. She'd never been crazy about patterns, allowing herself one per outfit if she included any at all. She didn't like frills or insane amount of sparkle, studs or any other sort of adornments. But even she wasn't immune to a smocked burnt orange dress with little pumpkins embroidered on the collar.

She pouted a little as she held it up. "I used to wear stuff like this. With the gathering up top?" she admitted. Rory had seen a lot of her baby pictures, but she was sure there were a few more tucked away she hadn't shown her yet. "Ramona used to get them for me."

Now that she thought about it, she had a sneaking suspicion her aunt had bought most of her clothes when she wasn't old enough to pick them out herself. Her father and grandfather had been slightly clueless as to how to raise a girl, at least in the beginning and John was hardly a fashionista.

He hardly remembered to buy himself new things half the time. It made sense that Ramona had stepped in.

Maris always a feeling her aunt would have liked a child, especially a little girl, but she hadn't been married for very long before her husband passed and Ramona never seemed inclined to want to date again.

"You could only wear it in fall though," she muttered, her usual complaint about seasonal clothing when she saw people in Christmas sweaters or Halloween leggings. Maris could be practical to the point of being a Scrooge, but the way she looked at the dress (and adorable matching bloomers) implied that she may come around.

If only for Keats and Jane's sakes. Who was she to deny them a holiday outfit or two?

She smiled at what she saw what Rory was holding. "Now that's more like it. And a given."

She plucked them from her wife's hands and tossed them in the cart. "They're unisex," she said as if that explained everything and moved away from the clothes to the cribs.

"Not even like a cherry? A salmon? Oh babe..." Rory hung her head dramatically, but couldn't help the fit of giggles that bubbled up at Maris' insistence.

They both knew that Rory was the more pastel of the pair of them, but even then, Rory didn't wear a ton of it. She liked brighter colors, or color in general in her wardrobe. Even in the fall, her wardrobe took on the jewel tones more than in the spring, but almost always with color. She had always loved that contrast in her style with Maris', it was just one of those things that always felt like complimented each other.

"That is so cute." Rory gasped a little, matching Maris' pout. "And I'm going to need to see whatever photos Ramona has."

Rory felt a great swell of pride in her chest as Maris praised the shoes she'd picked out, a beaming smile spreading across her face as they became the first thing in their cart. "Exactly, they can both wear them."

Silly as it might be, this trip and actually thinking of buying a few things for their kids made it all feel real to her And it made her softer than even usual. Rory moved in behind Maris, sliding her hand gently around her waist until her own chest pressed against Maris' back. She kissed the side of her neck, shuffling forward with her a little like one of those annoying couples who couldn't keep their hands off each other. But of course, she couldn't. Not when she felt so overwhelmed with how much she loved her wife, and the reality they were creating for the future of their family.

"I was reading up about the first several weeks, if not couple months..." She spoke quietly, close to Maris' ear but not right against it. "I want to get a bassinet before we move up to the crib we'll buy. So they can sleep with us in our room for a little bit."

Maris wasn't sure what to look for in a crib. They seemed big. Way too big for a tiny baby, not to mention most were wooden. Maris had opted out of getting a wood bed frame the last time she'd bought one. She'd bumped her head & feet way too often on her childhood bed as a kid. Such a hard surface seemed especially dangerous for a baby, but then Rory mentioned bassinets which were something she'd forgotten all about.

Not to mention the perfect middle ground.

"Yeah, I guess so," she said after a beat, thinking about them since they'd never crossed her mind before.

They made sense. They would need to keep a baby close by if it was going to keep waking up in the middle of the night to be fed, though Maris had a feeling she'd scoop them up to do that in the nursery. She'd want a bit of privacy and to let Rory sleep when it wasn't her turn. She suspected Rory would do the same when she needed to give their baby a bottle.

But their room was... their room and it would be strange to share it with a new, third party. Maris had kind of just come around to sharing space with her wife after a lifetime of happy independence. She'd never even had a roomie before Rory.

Not to mention...

Would they be having sex right after?

Maris wasn't sure if she physically could, even if she was sure the desire would probably be there.

She could have stood to read a little more about that aspect of things, but she was a little afraid to hear what the answers would be.

They both knew how much pride she took in pleasing her wife.

And being desired by her.

"Oh, it has wheels," she said once she walked up to one, moving it back and forth a bit. "That'll come in handy."

It was the sort of captain obvious statement Maris probably would have rolled her eyes at someone else for but it really was kind of a revelation to her.

Maris didn't have a hell of a lot of experience with babies. "That's so cool, we can just sit them over to the side when we're working or something."

She smiled like she was delighted and maybe even a little relieved. She'd kind of wondered how they'd hear the baby in the nursery if they were in the other room, assuming that's where baby monitors came into play.

"I like this kind of gauzy canopy thing on this one. Very 16th century, so you know I'm in," she teased before frowning a little. "Assuming it's not a choking hazard."

Their lives were going to change, that was inevitable. The time that they had for each other would be given a bit to keeping a human being alive, and thinking who the hell decided they were responsible enough for that? It excited Rory however, this idea of being a mother, this hope that their family would grow by one, and then eventually another.

But her own mind followed a similar path. She wondered about their baby sleeping in the same room with them, which made sense for a lot of reasons, or when they were supposed to transition them to their own room. She could see the both of them wanting their sacred bedroom to remain exactly that, but could also see that they wouldn't want to let their baby out of their sight for days. It would all be a learning process, and as ever, there was nobody Rory wanted to grow and learn with more than her wife.

As much reading as she'd been doing, there were some things that would come with their own learning curve. Rory wondered about their sex life, if and when Maris would be up for it again once their baby came. Rory knew that her desire for her wife wasn't going anywhere. In fact, that was something she had never worried about even once. If anything, it seemed as though this whole initially trying for a baby had somehow made her love her and desire her even more. She didn't even know how the hell that was possible. If she thought about how Maris would be with a growing belly, and eventually holding their baby -- yeah, she could already see that she wouldn't be able to stop herself from wanting her even more. Where there was a will there was a way, and they both were very willful.

"Or something." Rory said with a mischievous smirk, leaning over and kissing her cheek as she pinched her wife's side and moved over towards the canopy. "They wouldn't sell it if it was a choking hazard ... right?" Rory's uncertainty was clocked in her mind for a bit more research, later. "Oh look," She said as another contraption caught her eye. "It's a little bouncy-swing? I bet they'll love that, and give our arms a rest."

A swing was yet another thing Maris didn't think about. Her first thought was that it seemed frivolous, yet another piece of overpriced baby crap that they'd probably never use. She was sort of firm on not cluttering up their space. Not many of her friend group had kids, but she'd seen the way people's places slowly became increasingly messy toy stores.

Maris wasn't about to buy a bunch of stuff they didn't need just because people told her she should, but her wife did have a point.

They couldn't hold a baby every hour of the day. As much as Maris knew she'd adore their child, she also knew she wouldn't want to. And their was potential spoiling to consider. Maybe a swing would come in handy.

If they could find one with a seat that wasn't covered in garish primary colors.

Maris was just about to tell Rory as much when her phone buzzed in her purse. A quick glance at her screen told her that her stylist was texting to say he was ready for her.

"You buy the shoes, I'll go run down to meet him," she said, giving Rory a quick kiss on the cheek. She didn't want to make him wait, especially after he'd squeezed her in without an appointment and it didn't make sense to have Rory hurry down there with her. Waiting in line to pay for things wasn't fun, but neither was sitting around while someone else got their hair cut.

"Look around some more!"

Maris hurried to the other end of the shopping center as fast as she could. Her stylist, Kevin wasn't exactly a friend yet, but he knew her well enough to know she was looking (and feeling out of sorts).

"You didn't have to run here!" he said with a laugh as he ushered her inside.

"Am I sweaty?" Maris wrinkled her nose because she really hadn't walked any quicker than her naturally brisk pace. "Ugh, I've had a day, Kev."

Despite certain cliches, Maris wasn't the type to tell even a familiar hairdresser all her problems. She especially wasn't going to complain about problems thanks to the hormones she was taking in case getting pregnant didn't work out, but the pair had a pleasant enough conversation about some show Kevin was watching on Netflix.

He seemed delighted by Maris' choice to go shorter and was all to happy to oblige.

"A little Rosemary's Baby? You have the cheekbones for it."

With already short hair, it didn't take long for Kevin to finish up. Maris beamed when she saw her reflection, resisting the urge to reach out and touch her new hair for fear of messing it up. The cut was practical, really. She wouldn't need more than a quick wash and to run a brush through her hair in the morning, but even the simplest haircuts never looked better than the day after someone else worked on them.

After thanking (and tipping) him generously. Maris headed outside. She was feeling a little warm again and the salon's dryers weren't helping.

She also figured Rory would spot her leaning against the side of the salon on the way back.

While Rory accepted a certain level of their style and aesthetics might go out the door when babies arrived, there were certain things that Rory did want to cling to for a while after they became parents. The nursery was already something they were both insistent on - no cliche of pinks and blues, but literary inspired with some color splashed in. They’d get a grip eventually, and drapery and other furniture. They’d get toys, and plenty of gifts from family and friends, but those things could also be cultivated a little bit as well. She wanted something like the hand crafted animals she saw on a display shelf rather than gaudy plastic ones with sharp angles and choking hazards. She wanted more handmade, soft, unique items that their kids would love (and absolutely destroy). She wanted to find palatable kid versions of their favorite novels, and then teach them what good writing was when they were older. She wanted to raise their kids with a deep respect for women and all that they contributed to the world.

They had time, which was a good thing, but Rory was already itching to buy new things, to find a place to put them. Her nesting was apparently kicking in before they even had a baby to consider.

“Deal.” Rory said with a slight laugh as the interruption of her wife’s appointment snapped her out of her reverie some. Rory watched her wife fondly as she left the store, a pang of what could only be described as overwhelming love filling her chest as she did. She would never get used to the feeling of how incredible it was to be loved by this woman, and really, she never wanted to get used to it.

Rory wandered around the store a little while longer, touching a few toys and a hand crocheted little fawn that she almost bought, just for the soft gray and lavender colors that seemed to call to her. Another time she told herself, not to get far too ahead of their timeline. They’d need more practical things of course. Diapers and everything along with them, but for now it was fun to just think of what might be good to go with their hopes of a child.

Before Rory went up to buy the shoes, she paused at the books section, and selected one that she just couldn’t say no to. The sales clerk was a bit chatty as she packaged her things into a paper bag, taking her sweet time doing so. But Rory just smiled and nodded, thanking her once she collected her bag and left the store.

Rory stopped on the way back at a fresh juice shop, getting one for herself and one for Maris, meandering back just in time to see her wife by the exit of the salon.

Not to be entirely cinematic about it, but Rory actually stopped in her tracks when she saw Maris standing there. She could imagine how she’d look in her mind all she wanted, but seeing her with the short chop was entirely different.

“Holy fuck,” She sort of gasped as she was close enough to her wife, a grin spreading wide across her face. “You look so sexy.” She murmured, grinning as she moved in close to her wife, and was suddenly very mad at herself for having too many things in her hands. She leaned in close and kissed Maris, passionately, albeit quickly. “Seriously, Mar, I love it.” She rarely gave her wife any sort of nickname, but usually when extremely affectionate or caught off guard was when they’d come out. “I think we need to home. Very soon.”

Maris wasn't the sort of person who asked for even her wife's opinion when it came to changing up her appearance, but she couldn't help but feel relieved when Rory said she liked it.

Her wife had never seen her with such short hair before.

"Yeah?" she said, reaching up but resisting the urge to touch her new hair for the thousandth time since she'd got it cut five minutes before. "God, it's gonna be so weird when I wash my hair tomorrow morning."

She gratefully accepted her juice, an extra little bounce in her step when the way her wife was looking at her sunk in and confirmed how much she liked it. Maris stole another quick kiss before taking her first sip of her drink, then smiled when the bag in Rory's hand confirmed she'd gotten the shoes.

"Hey, I think I solved my hot flash dilemma," she said once they'd wandered a little further up the shopping center. Maris nodded toward the movie theater at the end of the street. "Come on, it's been ages since we've seen a movie. I doubt there'd be anyone in there in the middle of the day too." There was a twinkle in Maris eye that said even though it meant putting off heading home, they could still have a bit of fun while they were in there.